A Washed-up Movie Queen's Divorce Strategy [Rebirth] - Chapter 34

Ji Chenli was almost amused by Ming Lang’s innocent tone. “Of course not,” she said. “I have enough self-awareness to know that in your heart, I’m probably just a loathsome cockroach—impossible to kill and impossible to drive away. If I don’t provoke you, you likely wouldn’t even have the mood to think of me, let alone waste effort plotting ways to harm me.”

Her words were sharp and piercing. Ming Lang wanted to object, but her mouth opened and closed before she finally clenched her fists and stayed silent, letting Ji Chenli continue.

“Ming Lang, I loved you once. I would have torn my heart and lungs out just to show you, but you didn’t want it.” Ji Chenli thought that having lived two lives, she wouldn’t care anymore, but when she actually laid it out for Ming Lang, she realized she still cared.

How could she not care? That was her entire youth. Half of her life was spent living for Ming Lang; how could she not care? Not only did she care, she remembered every single detail—every disdainful look from Ming Lang, every look of disgust when she avoided her, every cruel word that pierced her heart. Ji Chenli closed her eyes; she didn’t even need to try to remember—it was all right there.

Just thinking about it felt like falling into an ice cellar; she shivered from the cold.

Even if it was Ji Chenli who was in the wrong, the deep-seated pain ultimately fell upon her. Ji Chenli admitted it was her own doing, that she deserved it, so she never thought of seeking revenge. But did that one mistake from her past life mean she deserved to be humiliated by Ming Lang for another lifetime without even a chance for repentance?

She wasn’t a murderer. Ji Chenli felt a chill in her heart and thought indignantly: Even a murderer only dies once. I at least saved a life; why must this sentence be endured life after life?

“You didn’t want it yourself,” Ji Chenli smiled bitterly. “Ming Lang, you gave up on me long ago. You said I was beyond cure, you said I was viper-hearted, you said I brought it on myself. Have you forgotten?”

After speaking, Ji Chenli laughed again. “That’s right, how could you remember? You aren’t her.”

“You aren’t Ming Lang. At least, not the Ming Lang I knew.”

Even Tao Yuan wasn’t Tao Yuan. Tao Yuan was dead. Ji Chenli had watched her draw her last breath with her own eyes—dying with her eyes open. Those two lifeless eyes had stared at Ji Chenli, blood soaking Ji Chenli’s entire body. She was dead through and through; she wasn’t coming back.

The current Tao Yuan didn’t belong to her; she belonged to the Ji Chenli of another world. She had simply forcibly occupied that Ji Chenli’s body and intruded into this Tao Yuan’s life.

Ji Chenli was an external invader. She thought she could use her bit of memory to cheat her way into being a minor savior, unaware that fate was a fixed track and she could change nothing.

“What if I remember?” Ming Lang suddenly said.

Ji Chenli assumed she was just making conversation and didn’t take it to heart. She only mocked her casually: “Then you should be even less inclined to disturb my life. Ming Lang, a person as high and mighty as you, now clinging to someone you once looked down upon so much you wanted to crush them into the dirt—don’t you find it embarrassing?”

“I…”

“Ming Lang, when I loved you, I was a moth to a flame. Now I’ve been burned beyond recognition. I’ve become ugly, bitter, and cruel. I don’t even dare to look in the mirror because I loathe the woman in the reflection. Ming Lang, I’ve turned into a woman even I find disgusting. For the rest of my life, I can only live with this self I hate. Isn’t that punishment enough?”

Ming Lang wanted to say it wasn’t how Ji Chenli thought, but she couldn’t find the words. She wasn’t skilled at debating people outside of a boardroom, especially when that person was Ji Chenli—the one she desperately wanted to hold onto—rather than a hypothetical enemy at a negotiation table.

Ji Chenli was used to this silent Ming Lang. She didn’t expect her to say anything anyway. She had kept these words bottled up for too long; she hadn’t even told Tao Yuan. Now, she was simply using Ming Lang as an emotional dumping ground, pouring out all her stifled resentment and grievances.

Ji Chenli continued: “So I don’t want to add you to the mix. One of me is already enough to make me sick for a lifetime. Adding you would be double the disgust. I truly wouldn’t be able to go on living.”

Wouldn’t be able to go on living! These were the words Ming Lang feared most. She looked up sharply at her, her eyes full of terror. A woman of her stature suddenly looked as helpless as a child.

Ji Chenli felt she was being a bit of a bully, but having finally vented the resentment she’d been holding back, she felt a lightness as if a heavy burden had been lifted. Though her spine was still injured, her whole body felt relieved. She almost forgot that her purpose for calling Ming Lang over wasn’t to scold her, but to ask for her help.

Scolding someone only takes a mouth; asking for help takes running your legs off. Ji Chenli gave herself several mental slaps. Look at you, getting all high and mighty! Is Ming Lang someone you can just pick a fight with? Idiot!

While Ji Chenli was cursing herself a hundred times in her head, she heard Ming Lang give a dry laugh. “So you want a divorce. You truly want a divorce.”

No kidding, Ji Chenli thought with a scoff. Does anyone get a divorce just for a laugh or to tease people?

“Chenli.” Ming Lang had her hands in her pockets; her palms were covered in sweat. Her fingers clenched and loosened repeatedly. Her tongue pressed against the roof of her mouth as she struggled for several minutes before swallowing and half-kneeling, half-squatting by Ji Chenli’s bed. She took her hand and asked: “What if I say I love you?”

Ji Chenli didn’t even bother to look at her, saying lazily: “Then either you’ve gone mad, or I have.”

“Then just consider me mad,” Ming Lang said, hanging her head in self-abandonment. “Chenli, I love you.”

She spoke with great difficulty: “Chenli, can you… give me a chance to prove it?”

Ji Chenli felt something being slipped onto her left ring finger. She pulled her hand back from Ming Lang’s and lifted it to see. Sure enough, a ring was on her finger. Ji Chenli knew this ring very well; it was the diamond wedding ring for her and Ming Lang. She had specifically commissioned a famous French designer for it; there was only one pair in the world.

At the wedding back then, she had placed one of the rings on Ming Lang’s hand. Ji Chenli still remembered that Ming Lang was wearing white opera-length gloves that day; the ring on her finger made her hand look long and elegant. Ji Chenli had been filled with joy just looking at it, wanting only to hold that hand and kiss it. She thought of the phrase “Hand in hand, growing old together”—what a beautiful vow.

Ji Chenli lifted her hand before her eyes. Against the light, she squinted at the diamond ring while hearing these words from Ming Lang that could be considered a heartfelt confession. Her heart didn’t even feel a flicker of excitement.

She only felt a bit of sadness for her past self who had begged for a shred of charity from Ming Lang. How much did the current Ming Lang resemble the Ji Chenli of back then?

“Ming Lang, do you think life can be redone?” Ji Chenli asked suddenly, staring at the ring.

Ming Lang nodded without hesitation. “It can.”

“I don’t think so.” Ji Chenli took off the ring and toyed with it in her hand. “Some things happened, and that’s it. Even if you do it all over again, so what? You can’t cover up everything that happened in the past.”

“You can’t cover it, but you can make amends.”

“Amends?” Ji Chenli sneered. “How? Can you make up for my seven years? Can you make up for my life? Can you help me erase those memories? Ming Lang, why should I give you a chance just because you said ‘amends’? Who was there to give me a chance back then?”

“Is it love, or is it just that you’re unwilling to let go? The original Ji Chenli who treated you like a god is gone. The current Ji Chenli has the nerve to disregard your charm—it’s unforgivable, isn’t it? Ming Lang, turns out you also love playing these childish CEO games.”

“Seven years. It’s two words, spoken in less than a second without even touching your lips, but I endured it day by day! Do you know how many days are in seven years? Do you know how I lost hope, bit by bit?”

The more Ji Chenli spoke, the more she felt a sense of despair welling up from her bones, nearly suffocating her. She glared at Ming Lang with resentment and threw the ring onto the floor without hesitation. “I give you a chance? Who gives me a chance? Do you know what it feels like when your spouse is with someone else on your birthday? Do you know what it’s like to receive a cancer diagnosis alone in a hospital? Do you know how much it hurts to fall to your death from over twenty stories? I couldn’t beg for a single chance until the day I died! Never!”

“Ming Lang, how do you make amends for that?”

Ming Lang watched Ji Chenli throw the ring. This was the second time she had thrown it away. The ring rolled into the corner, the diamond flashing under the lights. Ming Lang sprinted over, picked it up, and placed it reverently in a pocket close to her body.

Ji Chenli’s string of five “Do you know”s left Ming Lang speechless. Ming Lang knew she had been bad to Ji Chenli, but she hadn’t realized it was this bad. Listening to Ji Chenli’s accusations, she was rotten to the core. Even she herself felt that such a person shouldn’t be together with anyone.

Ming Lang was a bit lost, and even more at a loss for what to do. she had thought “making amends” would solve everything, but hitting a wall made her realize it wasn’t so. She had always been hopeless with emotions, so she tentatively asked: “Chenli, would you only believe I love you if I endured every single bit of the pain you suffered?”

“I don’t care if you love me or not,” Ji Chenli said tiredly. “I only beg you to send me back.” Ji Chenli thought: even if fate was set, as long as it hadn’t happened yet, she wouldn’t accept it. Tao Yuan was a living person; Ji Chenli wouldn’t let her die in front of her a second time. Not even an injury would be allowed.

Ming Lang finally understood Ji Chenli’s words. She didn’t dare dig further into their scarred past and nodded in agreement: “Fine, I’ll take you back.”

A private jet. They departed in the morning and arrived in C City by afternoon. There were professional medical staff on board to care for her. It wasn’t until they got off the plane that Ji Chenli remembered to ask Ming Lang a question. “Ming Lang, why don’t you have even a single doubt about the things I said to you?”

A self-deprecating smile appeared on Ming Lang’s habitually indifferent face. She tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear and said: “Chenli, out of those questions you asked, I can answer at least one.”

“Falling from more than twenty stories—a person dies instantly. They don’t even feel the pain.”

It was now February. The weather had been good recently, with several days of bright sun, and the temperature was beginning to rise. The spring breeze was warm and gentle, yet Ji Chenli felt a distinct sense of cold.