Amnesia Trap (GL) - Chapter 63

——They were embracing.

As the bright light pierced through the transparent floor-to-ceiling glass, the image fell with absolute clarity onto her retinas.

The window-side seating was well-lit; the sunlight haloed them in a faint, soft silhouette, like the exquisite linework of an illustration, making their embrace look aesthetic and serene.

Her breathing quickened uncontrollably. Ji Qingfan stood in the dark corner, spying on all of this, her gaze equally deep and obsidian with gloom.

She had said she would wait for her. She had promised to wait.

Her fingertips dug ruthlessly into her palms to suppress her actions. She focused more intensely on the audio coming from her device; the only thing providing comfort, the only thing allowing her to maintain a shred of sanity, was hearing that she had been refusing from beginning to end.

…Like a normal person. I have to act like a normal person. Don’t scare her.

She won’t like a paranoid maniac. If it shows, it will only make her flee; I won’t get a single drop of pity.

But the dark thoughts surged nonetheless, the accumulated pain in her palms nearly unable to contain them. Her truest thoughts dripped down like thick, black ink.

—If she runs away, wouldn’t it be easier just to catch her back?

—She belongs only to you. Completely.

…

However, that wouldn’t win her love.

She wanted to get her love. She wanted to hear her say, “I love you.”

So… keep acting. Act like a normal person. Don’t let her detect the frantically growing possessiveness and lust.

Her fingers were still shaking. Ji Qingfan took out a makeup mirror and stared into it, adjusting her overly dark expression as if seeing her own face for the first time.

The face in the mirror was beautiful. She knew she liked beautiful things, so she would take extra care of this skin.

She constantly applied psychological suggestions to herself.

Excessive emotions were hidden to the maximum extent, becoming expressionless and hollow.

But soon, that expressionless face in the mirror gradually took on a look of sadness so heavy it seemed she couldn’t catch her breath.

Bit by bit, like color being painted onto a blank sheet of paper, her eyes became veiled with a misty wetness—harmless and frail. Even the slight trembling of her fingertips no longer seemed out of place.

As she took a step, Ji Qingfan’s body swayed slightly.

Act like a normal person… don’t scare her.

She walked closer slowly.

The moment their eyes met through the window, the delirious, morbid paranoia vanished completely. Only a heart-pitying fragility remained in her gaze.

It would be a lie to say her heart wasn’t affected at all.

After so many years of friendship, it was impossible not to feel regret. They really wouldn’t be seeing much of each other in the future.

Was she sad? Yes, she was.

As Jiang Wanyin’s voice fell into the air, Sheng Zhi took a soft breath and stepped forward to give her a brief hug.

But just as the feeling of melancholy began to spread, she looked up and locked eyes with Ji Qingfan through the glass.

It was hard to describe the surge in her heart at that moment, but by the time she realized it, she had already pushed Jiang Wanyin away.

Looking at Ji Qingfan’s expression, Sheng Zhi felt an inexplicable sense of guilt, as if she had been caught doing something bad.

Though she clearly had nothing to be guilty about.

She pushed down the chaotic thoughts, wondering why Ji Qingfan was here, outside the window of this café. At this time, shouldn’t she be shooting the cover for the financial magazine?

Had the shoot ended early?

Various thoughts crowded together, but before she could do anything else, Ji Qingfan left.

The act of pushing her away seemed to have hurt Jiang Wanyin as well; that sudden shove carried a sense of unbearable rejection.

“Do you really dislike me that much?” Jiang Wanyin’s lips twitched into a pained smile. “I understand.”

“No, you’re great…”

The simple words felt incredibly shallow. Sheng Zhi fell silent; she had prepared her words, but seeing Ji Qingfan had thrown everything into disarray.

The feeling in her heart was strange, making her farewell to Jiang Wanyin much faster than expected.

When she stepped out of the café, she didn’t see Ji Qingfan on the street, so she gave her a call.

The call wasn’t blocked or unanswered; on the contrary, it was picked up almost immediately. “Yes? Jiao Jiao.”

Through the receiver, her voice was as soft and calm as ever, save for a slight rasp and a nasal tone.

Since it was connected, Sheng Zhi found herself at a loss for words while listening to Ji Qingfan. After a hesitant few seconds, she tapped her fingertips awkwardly against the back of her phone. “Where are you? Is the cover shoot finished? Want to get dinner together?”

A few seconds passed before she heard Ji Qingfan’s reply, quiet and soft: “No, thank you. I still have some work matters to handle. I’m taking care of them in the office.”

The refusal was clear.

Hearing the rejection, Sheng Zhi felt strangely out of place. Normally, Ji Qingfan wouldn’t just not refuse a dinner invitation; she would be the one proactively inviting her.

Just as she thought, she had indeed been spoiled by Ji Qingfan lately. Ji Qingfan hadn’t even shown particularly obvious coldness yet, and already she wasn’t used to it.

“Does Jiao Jiao have anything else?”

The words stuck in her throat because of that refusal.

“…No.” After saying that, Sheng Zhi hung up.

But the moment she hung up, she regretted it. She deeply regretted saying “No.”

She didn’t know if Ji Qingfan was actually in the office like she said, but her feet seemed to have a mind of their own, leading her all the way to the top floor of the company.

Ji Qingfan looked dazed when she saw her, as if she hadn’t expected her to come up. The corners of her eyes were tinged with a faint, sorrowful red.

Their gazes met. Then, Sheng Zhi heard her say: “I’m sorry… okay?”

Her voice was very light, very weak.

“I didn’t want to refuse Jiao Jiao, but if I ate dinner with you both, I think I might not be able to control my emotions and would affect you.”

Sheng Zhi caught the word “both.”

But she couldn’t reply immediately. Listening to that apology, she was frozen in place as if struck by lightning. When she came up, she was even prepared for Ji Qingfan to lose her temper.

Even if Ji Qingfan was only coaxing her for the sake of her own interests, she should still have felt some emotion over this; after all, this situation was incredibly annoying.

Yet she actually apologized.

Sheng Zhi’s lips moved, nearly losing her ability to organize language. she looked at her in a daze. “Why are you apologizing to me? And I said dinner was with you, no one else.”

As she spoke, she thought of something else. “Speaking of which, when I first had the accident and Jiang Wanyin came to see me, back then you were…”

She was interrupted there.

“But I’m not as important as her,” Ji Qingfan’s voice dropped. “If I were more important, Jiao Jiao wouldn’t have promised to wait for me and then gone to see her without a word, and embraced her in the café.”

“But Jiao Jiao never needed to explain or report anything to me. Kissing me and doing things with me doesn’t mean you need to take responsibility for anything. This was all just my choice.” At this point, she gave her a pale smile. “Jiao Jiao doesn’t need to say you’re eating with me. Go with her if you want. I don’t need to be pacified…”

Listening to her, Sheng Zhi thought of their recent intimate entanglements.

She used to think Ji Qingfan was someone who, during intimacy, would be smiling in her heart thinking she had succeeded so easily. But Ji Qingfan’s current level of humility made her suddenly realize the inequality between them—

No matter how Ji Qingfan used unscrupulous means or told lies for her goals, her behavior was still an act of pleasing her.

That softness, that submissiveness, that special treatment limited only to her, and the way every detail was tailored to her liking—it was all “pleasing.”

The more lies she told, the more she trapped herself.

Does Ji Qingfan… feel insecure? What are her real thoughts?

—”This was all just my choice.”

Yes, it was all Ji Qingfan’s choice. So no matter what Sheng Zhi did, she just accepted it?

If it were before, she should have felt triumphant, wickedly making her feel even worse. But now, ice crystals shattered in her heart, and the fragments were all sharp, stinging, and inappropriate… heartache.

Was it because Ji Qingfan was too pitiful?

The moment that feeling sprouted, another took over.

Pitiful? This was strange. How could she genuinely think Ji Qingfan was pitiful? She was clearly a scheming liar. She chose this deception herself, so she should suffer the consequences. As for pleasing her—since she had a plot, of course she would try to please her.

Two diametrically opposed thoughts pulled at each other in her mind, like a split personality.

But when her gaze fell on Ji Qingfan, only one thought remained—

She was too pitiful. Too… heart-wrenching.

The explanation spilled out naturally: “There’s nothing between me and Jiang Wanyin. She confessed to me, I rejected her. When I said dinner, I really meant just with you.”

After speaking, Sheng Zhi looked away and added another emphasis: “…No one else. Only you.”

Ji Qingfan listened to her, looked at her for a while, and suddenly reached out her hands. “Jiao Jiao, hug me too.”

She reached out, asking for a hug. Her arms held in the air had a posture as if they wouldn’t be withdrawn until she was embraced.

Her ears flushing slightly, Sheng Zhi “had to” walk closer and hug her.

Watching her approach and finally embrace her, Ji Qingfan sank into her arms with satisfaction, holding her very tightly.

At this moment, Sheng Zhi suddenly realized she had a question she hadn’t asked. That was, how did Ji Qingfan end up outside the café? She hadn’t told her she was going there.

Her lips moved; just as she was about to ask, Ji Qingfan spoke.

“The cover shoot was faster than expected. When it ended and I realized you hadn’t waited for me, I was truly sad…”

From an angle Sheng Zhi couldn’t see, Ji Qingfan’s eyes narrowed slightly. In contrast to her low, depressed tone, her lips curved into a triumphant, joyful smile. “Then I asked around. Someone upstairs saw you going to the café near the company.”

The answer came before the question could even be asked. Sheng Zhi hummed and swallowed her query.

So someone upstairs saw. No wonder she appeared outside the café.

Holding each other so closely, their heartbeats seemed to sync. It was a warm, comfortable embrace that made one want to extend it forever—it was intoxicating.

Sheng Zhi suddenly realized they had been hugging for too long. She prepared to let go, but the hands around her waist tightened.

“Hold me a little longer.”

Soft lips brushed against her.

Sheng Zhi’s hands, which weren’t very firm about letting go anyway, found an excuse to submissively continue.

Ji Qingfan held her, her fingertips moving from her waist to stroke her long, falling hair. She continued, her breath like orchids: “Jiao Jiao, let me help you bathe tonight.”

Too soft-hearted. Her Jiao Jiao was too soft-hearted.

This soft-heartedness was fine for her, but it shouldn’t be shown to others.

But it didn’t matter… She would thoroughly wash away the scent of someone else’s perfume that had rubbed off on her.

She was hers. She would only be hers.