To Covet (GL) - Chapter 64

I slowly got up from my seat, shuffled to the front door, and then into the hallway, turning back to find that Yu Zhouwan hadn’t followed me.

She was still in the classroom.

My brain, dulled by the quiz, remembered that Gao Rui was also there.

Although the two of them would pretend not to know each other if they met, I always felt an indescribable, strange emotion inside.

Perhaps it was because she had come close to exposing my secret countless times, with only a thin veil separating the truth. Whenever I worried that my subconscious attitude would reveal my bias toward Yu Zhouwan, the topic would conveniently end.

I understood that the reason Gao Rui always talked to me about her brother was that she saw me as a kindred spirit—someone tormented by the shackles of blood ties, constantly yearning for freedom and independence.

She frequently used her experiences to hint at me to recall the past, as if warning me not to be fooled by superficial intimacy and to forget my past suffering and Yu Keyi’s true current situation.

But what I thought about most was the explicit talk separated by the sound of running water—on one side, maintaining polite and dignified social appearances during conversation, and on the other, the seductive panting in my ear, greedily dominating my mind and demanding an outlet for desire.

I was caught between the two, and any move closer to either side would tear me apart.

My aversion to everyone in this home was constant, yet it was restrained by dependence and intimacy, subtly tamed by sex addiction, forcing me to continue parasitizing in this place that didn’t belong to me.

I secretly resolved that once I became an independent adult, I would immediately break ties with Yu Hanyang and cut off this poisonous life.

But I had no clue what method to use, or how to leverage the melodramatic love triangle to cause a complete rupture.

I had to admit that if I wanted Shi Yunya and Yu Hanyang to turn on each other and experience a traumatic rupture in their relationship, the most direct and effective way would be to hold a knife to Yu Zhouwan.

I shivered.

It felt as if a sharp knife was already pressed against my neck, forcing me to decide: continue living in this unreal dream, or make the necessary decision now for future freedom—better a short, sharp pain than a long, drawn-out one.

Thinking of Yu Zhouwan, I was hesitating whether to go back and check when the homeroom teacher came down from the administration building and ran straight into my dazed self, signaling for me to follow him to the office.

The quiz wasn’t as bad as I thought. I had just made a simple calculation error on one fill-in-the-blank question. Old Man Gao wanted to use this opportunity to warn me not to get distracted. After his lecture, he casually mentioned the conversation he had with Yu Hanyang earlier.

“Your father has high expectations for you. I also told him that during the three most crucial years of high school, he should pay more attention to your study habits at home. Home and school should work together,” he leaned back in his chair and sipped his tea. “Yu Keyi, you still need to calm down, don’t be so restless, and don’t think about other things. Your math scores have been too inconsistent lately. I don’t know why your math level is so erratic during tests…”

The city preliminary for the Math, Physics, and Chemistry competitions was next month. Several subject teachers were discussing it in the office.

The requirements were similar to previous years, mainly covering content within the college entrance exam scope, intended to filter out a batch of self-learning top students and effectively trained competition students. They grumbled with disdain that some students were not solid in their in-class learning but were overly enthusiastic about extracurricular frills.

I slunk back from the administration building. Only Yu Zhouwan was in the classroom, flipping through an English newspaper on the podium.

She thought I was looking distressed because I had done poorly on the test. As I bent down to pack up my things, she pinched my cheek and slipped a piece of candy into my mouth.

She seemed to really like this kind of candy. It had a faint mint flavor on the surface, but once dissolved, only a fruity sweetness remained.

Yu Zhouwan wasn’t as free as I imagined. At the same time she came to see me, she had also planned to go to the foreign teacher to pick up prep materials for A2 and IB exams.

She had taken the A-level exam once last year, but Shi Yunya wasn’t satisfied with the result and told her to retake it this year.

The temperature in Linzhou rose visibly in late February, but after dark, a wind suddenly picked up. I put on the hood of my school uniform jacket. The New Year banners on the street that hadn’t been taken down yet flapped loudly. The ground was covered with camphor tree leaves, showing no sign of spring returning.

I irritably kicked a pile of fallen leaves on the ground, only to find it was mixed with soaked rainwater, splashing several patches of black mud and water onto my shoes and pants legs.

I pulled a tissue from my pocket.

Noticing that I hadn’t caught up, Yu Zhouwan, who had walked two meters ahead, turned back. She took the tissue from my hand and crouched down, attempting to wipe the dirt off for me.

“No need.”

I instinctively took a step back.

“I can do it myself.”

Yu Zhouwan remained squatting for a few seconds before standing up. The streetlights were bright, casting overly dark shadows. She kept her head down. I wondered if my overly cold rejection had upset her.

I tossed the crumpled paper ball in my hand, wanting to rush up and explain that my subconscious reaction to sudden care was always avoidance, especially for an action that required the other person to bend down—it felt like a deliberate attempt to please.

Holding the hard candy in my mouth, I pulled up Yu Zhouwan’s sleeve, and using the cover of a roadside tree, I wrapped my arms around her neck, pressing my lips to hers and prying open the gap between her teeth.

The candy easily slid over my soft tongue into her mouth, making a tiny clicking sound against her teeth.

Everything happened quickly. Although I wanted to bite her lip and wait for the candy to slowly dissolve as we warmed up, the lights and figures around us reminded me to stop while I was ahead.

Looking around, the few sporadic pedestrians were all concentrating on their hurried pace with their necks tucked into their coats. Even when I stared at them, no one looked up.

The foreign teacher lived in the international student apartment complex in the university town. At her place, I saw Elina. It turned out that all the local international students and teachers were acquainted within the same circle.

The foreign teacher led Yu Zhouwan into the study to find materials. Elina and a few of her friends enthusiastically invited me to play with a newly bought game controller.

I shook my head and declined.

Seeing my scattered and anxious expression with my backpack on, Elina patted my shoulder in comfort, not forgetting to quietly complain to her friends that Chinese students cared too much about grades and needed to cherish the different stages of life. She mentioned that a Chinese graduate student in their department cried anxiously every day over research data.

I nodded along guiltily, though I wasn’t thinking about any of what they were saying.

After collecting her things, Yu Zhouwan said goodbye to everyone. Finding me still standing there in a daze, she pulled me away by my bag strap.

Following behind her, I almost missed the stairs, stumbling and colliding squarely into her shoulder.

“What’s wrong?” She picked up the document bag that had fallen to the floor and patted my cheek. “Your face is a bit hot. Are you feeling unwell?”

“No, the air conditioning was a bit too high in there just now.”

The voice-activated light in the stairwell was malfunctioning. I stomped my foot several times before it slowly flickered a few times and lit up.

Yu Zhouwan also noticed my inexplicable moodiness, but she didn’t know where it came from.

In fact, I wasn’t sure myself.

If I had to pinpoint it, it was probably since I proactively kissed her at school today—it felt like moving those familiar, private, and illicit intimacies into daily life, and the warm, bright sunlight had suddenly burned me.

It required me to find suitable, powerful reasons for all my words and actions to explain the embarrassing situation I had brought upon myself.

The sweetness in my mouth was gradually replaced by a bitter sourness.

I took the last piece of candy from her pocket and bit down hard.

Yu Zhouwan leaned against the railing, silently observing my inexplicable and bizarre behavior. After the voice-activated light went out, all I could hear was the crunching of the candy being chewed, and the small sound of clothes rubbing.

Wet, soft tongues intertwined, sufficiently filling the gap between us. Hard candy fragments slowly melted in my mouth.

The darkness provided a comforting sense of security.

Because she was holding the books to her chest, Yu Zhouwan’s hands were icy cold. I gripped them tightly, feeling the shape of every inch of skin and bone on her fingers.

She bit my lip in response.

A faint electric current seemed to run through my body. I leaned against the wall to keep from falling. Every nerve was stretched between tension and release. I dared not make a sound, afraid the voice-activated light would catch it.

Someone on the top floor threw out the trash, slamming the door shut with a bang. Lights on several floors above flickered on.

The dim light allowed me to barely see the contours of her features, making me want to look through her beautiful eyes to discern the emotion hidden within.

I sniffed, a sudden sharpness in my nose, and my vision immediately blurred.