To Covet (GL) - Chapter 81

For the first time, I had a space entirely my own—a modest one-bedroom apartment with a small storage room. It didn’t have much furniture, but it was more than enough for me to live in; in fact, it felt excessively empty.

I dropped my luggage and stood in every single corner of the tiled floor. Finally, I sat cross-legged in the living room, facing the glass balcony doors.

The sunlight outside wasn’t great, likely because the buildings were squeezed so tightly together that the light available for each window was extremely limited. Leaning on the balcony, I could clearly see a child in the opposite building dazing off while doing homework, a cat napping by the window in the unit above, and further up, an old lady watching TV… It wasn’t until they all turned off their lights that I lay down in bed.

The brand-new mattress was incredibly soft, and the sheets and pillows soaked in the scent of fresh laundry detergent. I became like an infant lying in the arms of a strange woman waiting to be cooed to sleep; however, a wall stood between my intense drowsiness and the wish for a peaceful slumber. Outside, the sky was just beginning to turn grey as I stayed awake until it was time to get up for morning study hall, my eyes and nerves aching with soreness.

I requested a half-day leave from my homeroom teacher. Lying in bed until the background music for the morning exercises woke me up, I felt a sense of guilt, as if I had stolen a moment of leisure.

The afternoon consisted of four consecutive English classes. I pulled the practice paper that needed explaining from a drawer full of worksheets, tugging at my hair while taking notes. I decided to spend more time at Elina’s over the weekend to ask her for some English learning tips. Elina didn’t mind the extra hours; she was happy to earn the extra tutoring fees in her spare time, and she enjoyed having someone to chat with to pass the boredom of writing her final thesis.

As for subjects like Math, after grinding through competition problems for a while, I found the regular exam content becoming easier to accept. Occasionally, I could even score within the single-digit rankings. This led me to believe that as long as one is willing to learn, any subject can be mastered, and I became inexplicably confident about language learning. Elina played along, saying that the ability to absorb new things was a rare gift. After chatting for a while, she suddenly remembered something and turned to ask, “How is your relationship with your sister usually?”

“It’s alright,” I said, giving her my finished grammar exercise to correct. “Why the sudden question?”

“You rarely mention her,” Elina said, showing off a pen-spinning trick. “And you two are rarely together. You’ve been coming to class alone lately.”

“Because we’re not at the same school, so it’s not very convenient.”

“So, did you sleep in bunk beds in the same room when you were little? That’s how it was for my sister and me; we talked all the time and didn’t separate until university.”

I shook my head.

“Oh wow. Several Chinese siblings I know have just average relationships. It’s quite fascinating. I’m curious and plan to write an essay to research this later. Would you mind being my research subject then?”

She changed the subject quickly. Before I could nod yes or no, Elina started grumbling about the messy rules of grammar, complaining that they were far too strict and that people in normal conversation would never nitpick such small details.

“If you ever want to learn Italian, I could definitely teach you in a month.” She showed me photos she took in Italy; her expression was playful and vibrant. “If you go to Milan, I can be your ‘director’.”

“It’s ‘guide’ (导游),” I corrected her.

“It’s the same thing, both are ‘Directors’!” Elina stuck out her tongue.

On the way back, a friend request popped up while I was checking my messages. Just as I was about to ignore it, the person added a note:

“Hi, Yu Keyi, do you remember me? It’s Lu Xiaoting.”

Lu Xiaoting suddenly wanted to meet. I asked what it was about, but she was unwilling to say, asking to chat offline instead. The location was a noisy roadside stall. She ordered two bowls of rice noodles and waved me over to eat. Looking at the woman devouring her food in front of me, I stirred my chopsticks in the soup for a long time before getting straight to the point: what was it that couldn’t be said online, or at least over a phone call?

“Mainly, I don’t know how Gao Rui described it to you,” Lu Xiaoting wiped her mouth. “I’m afraid of a misunderstanding between us, so it’s better to talk in person.”

I didn’t understand her goal. Lu Xiaoting signaled for me to lean closer.

“It’s like this: I plan to appeal my mother’s case. You might have forgotten—the case from ten years ago where it was said health supplements killed several patients. You can search for it when you go back, though there probably aren’t many traces left. By the way, did she mention it to you? Asking you to help find some things? The lawyer said those could be used as evidence.”

I nodded. However, although I had promised Gao Rui at the time, she hadn’t told me exactly what I needed to do, only mysteriously saying we would talk after returning to Linzhou.

“It’s a bankbook and an IOU. Did Gao Rui tell you? They should be among your mother’s belongings, but I’m afraid they might have been burned, so I’m just asking you to try and see if you can find them.”

“She didn’t tell me specifically what to look for,” I tried hard to remember if I had seen anything like that when organizing Yang Chun’s things. “I’ll look for it. It’s been nearly a year since my mom passed; I need to go back and visit her anyway.”

The snack street was boisterous. Anything said would be swallowed by the choking smell of charcoal and the clanging of woks. Compared to the reserved nature of our first meeting at the coffee shop, Lu Xiaoting rolled up her sleeves and ate fried skewers heartily; her behavior and tone were much more natural. “Alright then. If you have any news, let me know. We’ll stay in touch.”

I could tell she harbored suspicions toward me, but I had no right to demand her total trust.

“I have one more question for you, Yu Keyi.” I took a sip of the noodle soup; it was cold and salty. “What is her standpoint for demanding you get involved and help me? What I mean is, there’s actually no benefit for you in this. Why participate? If your dad and that woman get dragged in, they might go bankrupt or even go to prison. Won’t you be affected?”

“I don’t really care… if that day comes, I still have my aunt and grandmother.”

Lu Xiaoting suddenly grinned at me. “And what about your sister?” she asked.

“Her…?”

“Isn’t your sister going to study abroad? Won’t she hate you because of this?”

I rubbed my nose and took a bite of the now-clumpy rice noodles.

“Haven’t thought about it?” Lu Xiaoting took a grilled chicken wing and handed it to me. I said I was full and didn’t need it, so she unceremoniously stuffed it into her own mouth. “It’s fine, I’m just speaking randomly. Besides, that girl isn’t your biological sister anyway. If your relationship is just average, there’s no need to care too much. Everyone’s fate is their own.”

I lowered my head and gave a small “mhm.”

“It’s not even certain if the appeal will succeed. Lawyer Wang told me to find evidence first. It’s been ten years—how much could possibly be left?” She sighed heavily. “I just want to give my mother an explanation, and one to myself as well. Actually, no one even remembers her. Who still cares who was sentenced back then? But I’m different. I’ve been holding my breath, enduring all these years, just to show my mom that I’ve always believed in her and never said a bad word about her.”

Truthfully, I hadn’t thought about where the final outcome would lead. Most importantly, I habitually avoided the worst-case scenario. To my shallow perspective, the reason Gao Rui repeatedly brought up this old matter was, at most, to prove she could uncover the truth—to prove to others, especially her prejudiced parents, that she was capable of being the heir. That was all.

“If you don’t want to, you don’t actually have to do it. Everyone has to look out for themselves. You don’t need to care how others demand or manipulate you.” Lu Xiaoting saw that I was wavering. She didn’t know why, but she didn’t ask further.

“No, I’m willing,” I promised her. “I don’t want them to live a smooth and easy life.”

“Then what did Gao Rui say to you to get you involved? What conditions did she set?”

I was dazed for a moment. My mind filled with images of her talking about Yu Zhouwan and me in a teasing tone while guiding me to link my current predicament with Yang Chun’s death—warning me not to be blinded by the sugar-coated bullets. Don’t fall into the trap of superficial closeness. Yu Zhouwan and I are not the same kind of people.

Of course, Gao Rui wouldn’t go around spreading my secret like a spilled bag of beans; her self-important status wouldn’t allow it. But I subconsciously feared she might take unexpected action, so I followed her lead on every request she made.

“Did that girl Gao Rui say something to make you follow her orders?”

I shrugged my shoulders, not denying it, but not confirming it either.

“Sigh, she’s always been like that—wanting to prove she’s different from other normal kids,” Lu Xiaoting sneered at my description. “When it comes to the events of back then, especially since I want her help gathering evidence for the appeal, she gets particularly focused.”

“Because it’s related to her brother, right?” I couldn’t help but associate this with Gao Rui’s eerie family atmosphere. She was excessively calm about everything, unlike a student my age; it made my skin crawl.

“Mhm… more or less. But mainly it’s her parents’ problem. Gao Rui might have told you—her parents originally didn’t want a second child. Later, her grandmother put her foot down and said they must have another, because their son was a brainless fool destined for nothing. Not only would she not leave a penny to that useless grandson, she would withdraw all investments. The couple had planned to divorce, but were forced to have another.”

“Her parents secretly made a will long ago saying all real estate and money under their names would go to her brother. Gao Rui, having been raised by her grandparents since she was little, feels all those things belong to her. When she grows up, she has to seize back every resource from her parents’ side.”

“And then?” I knew all this; hearing it from Lu Xiaoting was like listening to a story.

“She’s willing to help me mainly for herself—to prove she’s capable of being an heir, to prove her brother truly committed an irreversible mistake, and not, as her parents describe, that he was framed and committed suicide in grief. That he was the poor, precious son, while she is the cold-blooded creature who stood by and did nothing—a total ungrateful wolf raised in the house.”

“She told me all this herself. I don’t need to verify if it’s true. Of course, if you want to ask her… it’s not impossible, but what could she tell you? Just this. After all, she’s still a child, and so are you.”

“But actually… this is my personal matter. Whether it’s clearing my mother’s name or getting to the point of revenge, it’s not a game of playing detective. I don’t want to drag other people into it too much. Her being willing to help me contact a lawyer is already a dangerous move. I’m afraid of her family finding out, so I keep the important things hidden myself.”

“Yu Keyi, including you—I don’t know what happened between you and Gao Rui, but everything from today onward is my responsibility alone. I’m sorry for involving you. I hope that if something really happens to your father and that woman, you won’t hate me. And most importantly, you must act like you know nothing, understand?”

“If you find nothing after going home, just tell me. Don’t get mixed up in this anymore, and don’t tell anyone else. Promise me, okay?” Lu Xiaoting reached out her hand to make a pinky promise. She rolled up her sleeve to reveal a sturdy forearm with several block-shaped scars. “Also,” she pulled me closer before leaving, “watch out for that sister of yours.”

“Why?”

“No, you misunderstood me. I’m not saying she’s scary; I don’t know her at all.” Lu Xiaoting saw my face change suddenly and couldn’t help but laugh out loud. “What I mean is, if her mother is affected and it ultimately impacts her quality of life, be careful that she might take her anger out on you.”

“Because that’s how I am. If my mother were still here, I wouldn’t have been unable to study, I wouldn’t have come out to work illegally when I was younger than you, and I wouldn’t have encountered all those filthy things later.”

“My life… it really should have been wonderful.”