After The Cannon Fodder Died, She Became The Female Lead’s White Moonlight (GL) - Chapter 32.1

It was like a broken paper window—all the filth and ugliness surged from the broken pieces into reality.

Shen Sijin rarely harbored hatred for anyone, even her mother or grandfather; she rarely held deep negative emotions toward them.

Only Che Gulai.

She was cold and ruthless, utterly malicious. She played with Shen Sijin’s feelings at will, making her look like a ridiculous clown.

When she came to this world and met Che Gulai, she initially thought Che Gulai was her beautiful utopia. Only now did she realize that Che Gulai was the executioner who had come to kill her.

Why did it turn out this way?

Shen Sijin covered her mouth, coughing softly a few times. She asked hopelessly, “Did you never like me?”

Che Gulai shook her head.

“Shen Sijin, I’m not a lesbian. I don’t like women.”

Shen Sijin couldn’t even manage a smile, nor did she have any tears left to cry. She simply pointed at the door, utterly exhausted.

“Please leave, Che Gulai.”

Never come back.

Che Gulai knew their relationship had come to an end. There was no point in continuing the entanglement of grudges and deceit.

She left.

The moment the door closed, Shen Sijin, overwhelmed by the burden, sank to the floor. She covered her chest, weeping silently in pain.

She remembered the words her mother used to tell her.

You are an object of hatred. Your birth was a mistake. No one will ever like you.

How ridiculous that she had confidently believed she was loved, only for Che Gulai to brutally mock her innocence.

The person she loved most had turned out to be the one who caused her the most pain.

Why.

Why does everyone she loves inevitably end up hating her?

Did replacing the original owner mean she had to bear the original owner’s sins?

But what wrong did she do?

That night, Shen Sijin’s heart was like glass, shattered into a pool of tears on the floor.

The next day, her eyes were so swollen she could barely open them. The acid reflux was severe. She hadn’t eaten properly for days, leaving her utterly weak.

She took a day off, lying in bed with her eyes open for the entire morning.

A vast emptiness remained in Shen Sijin’s heart, as if many things had flown out of her very being.

She got out of bed. Since she had no strength, she found something quick to eat, tidied herself up a bit, and left the house.

She went to see her grandmother.

Even if Che Gulai didn’t want her, she still had her grandmother in this world.

When Shen Sijin arrived at the hospital, she put on light makeup to conceal her poor complexion.

Her grandmother had been awake for very short periods recently. As soon as she opened her eyes, she would ask for Shen Sijin.

Today was the same. She had just woken up and asked for Shen Sijin.

Shen Sijin quickly sat on the bed, holding the old woman’s hand and comforting her softly. “I’m here, Grandma.”

The old woman’s withered hand touched her wrist. Her cloudy eyes couldn’t focus. “Xiao Jin, my child, why are you so thin?”

Shen Sijin stroked the old woman’s hand. “I’ve been a little tired from exams lately. Don’t worry, Grandma. I’ll eat properly from now on.”

The old woman remembered something and grabbed Shen Sijin’s sleeve anxiously. “Xiao Jin, Grandma dreamed you died. You died badly. I was so worried about you, child. Please be well, okay?”

Shen Sijin’s nose stung. She hugged her. “Mhm, I will be well. You be well too, Grandma. Don’t leave me.”

The old woman wanted to raise her hand to comfort her child, but she didn’t have the strength. She could only weakly pat her back.

Her grandmother’s body was very weak. Just saying those words had exhausted her strength. She fell asleep again.

Shen Sijin meticulously wiped her body. She sat beside her grandmother for the entire afternoon.

She looked at her grandmother’s pale, aged face. Her emotions were empty. She had expended so much pain that she no longer had the strength to feel sad.

She just felt so tired, so very tired.

Even breathing felt like a struggle.

Shen Sijin pressed her face against the old woman’s palm and said obediently, “Grandma, don’t leave me.”

If you leave me too…

Shen Sijin couldn’t bear to imagine it.

She couldn’t handle the people she loved leaving her one after another.

She didn’t have the strength to endure it.

Bai Mingyu didn’t know why Shen Sijin had become this way. Her condition was worse than before, and she was even more silent.

She asked her, nearly hysterical, “Xiao Jin, what in the world is wrong with you?”

Shen Sijin looked at her blankly, then suddenly forced a smile. “I’m fine.”

She had just felt tired for the past few days. She had tinnitus every night, and she even felt her mother’s presence again.

Her mother was following her.

She wanted to kill her again.

Shen Sijin was constantly uneasy and hadn’t had a good night’s sleep in a long time. Her vision was often blurry.

“Stop saying that,” Bai Mingyu no longer believed her. “What happened after you went home that night?”

Shen Sijin walked with her on the road. It was already early summer.

“I broke up with her.”

Bai Mingyu was stunned at first. “Shouldn’t you be happy that you broke up with that horrible woman? Why are you weaker than before?”

Shen Sijin smiled, tilting her head. She tried hard to speak in a cheerful tone. “Are you mistaken, Mingyu?”

“I just feel a little tired. Grandma has been very sick lately, and I’ve been taking care of her.”

Bai Mingyu knew Shen Sijin was lying. She could only conclude that Shen Sijin was being crushed by both issues simultaneously.

The person she loved most had deceived her, and the person she loved most was critically ill.

Anyone would be overwhelmed.

Bai Mingyu couldn’t understand why someone as innocent as Shen Sijin had to endure such terrible things.

At this moment, she intensely hated Che Gulai.

After school, Bai Mingyu was worried about Shen Sijin and decided to go with her to see her grandmother.

As they reached the hospital entrance, a car blocked their way.

It was Che Gulai.

She got out of the car, holding a gift box. “Take your stuff back.”

Shen Sijin glanced at it. It was the Blue Morpho butterfly music box she had given Che Gulai.

She shook her head. “Just throw it away.”

It has no meaning anymore.

“You throw your own things away.” Che Gulai tossed it to her. Shen Sijin was weak and reacted slowly, so she fumbled and dropped it. The box fell to the ground with a loud thud.

Bai Mingyu was furious. “Sister Gulai, you did that on purpose, didn’t you?”

Che Gulai didn’t even look at Bai Mingyu. Her gaze was fixed on Shen Sijin. She gave a short laugh. “It fell. It’s probably broken.”

Shen Sijin looked blankly at the music box on the ground. She couldn’t see the contents because of the wrapping, but she knew it was broken from the sharp sound.

She remembered the day she confessed to Che Gulai.

The butterfly specimen was broken, the balloons flew away. Everything went wrong, as if foretelling that this relationship would end badly.

And now, the butterfly music box was broken again.

Sure enough, nothing related to her and Che Gulai deserved to exist in this world.

Shen Sijin seemed resigned to her fate. She moved her eyes away from the music box and whispered, “The item’s been delivered. Let’s go.”

She moved to pull Bai Mingyu away.

Che Gulai suddenly spoke. “Stop.”

Bai Mingyu frowned. “What else do you want to say?”

Shen Sijin had her back to Che Gulai and didn’t look at her.

Che Gulai stared at her slender figure, coldly gazing for a few seconds, but said nothing. She turned and got into her car, driving away.

Bai Mingyu was puzzled. “What was that about?”

Shen Sijin didn’t know what she was trying to do either. She didn’t understand Che Gulai. Before leaving, she glanced once more at the music box on the ground.

She didn’t pick it up, leaving it to lie broken and solitary on the pavement.

Her grandmother was awake for quite a while today. She was much happier to see both Bai Mingyu and Shen Sijin and kept chatting with them.

When the two left the nursing home, Bai Mingyu suddenly gasped. “Hey, where’s that gift bag? It’s gone.”

Shen Sijin slowly replied, “Someone probably threw it in the trash can.”

Since Shen Sijin and Che Gulai broke up, aside from that one brief encounter, Shen Sijin hadn’t seen Che Gulai again for almost a month.

Perhaps their destined ending was to be strangers who lived out their lives without crossing paths.

Shen Sijin was slowly getting used to it. She put all her attention on her grandmother.

Today was a physical education exam. Shen Sijin was utterly exhausted after the whole thing.

Her already weak body, combined with irregular eating due to caring for her grandmother and her own loss of appetite, made her feel faint and dizzy when she walked.

She was video-calling her grandmother as she walked down the stairs.

“Xiao Jin, you must eat properly,” her grandmother said on the other end of the call. “Don’t ruin your health.”

Shen Sijin’s legs were shaky, and her head was spinning. She might have low blood sugar. She didn’t have any candy on her, so she dismissed the thought.

She forced a smile. “I know, Grandma.”

“Don’t just say ‘I know, I know.’ Listen to your grandmother.”

Shen Sijin was looking at the video when her vision suddenly went black. She instinctively cried out, and her foot missed a step.

She fell down the stairs, and the phone in her hand crashed heavily.

She was unconscious for about ten minutes. Fortunately, someone helped her up. They suspected she had low blood sugar and gave her a piece of chocolate.

Shen Sijin slowly regained consciousness. Ignoring the pain in her body, she immediately looked for her phone.

“Is this your phone?” A female student handed her the phone, which was in pieces. “The screen is shattered. It looks like it won’t work.”

Shen Sijin frantically pressed the screen. Although it lit up, it remained frozen on the WeChat chat page.

She didn’t have time to fix her phone. A strange panic seized her heart.

She had been on the phone with her grandmother right before she fell. Afraid her grandmother would worry, she gave up on fixing the phone and used someone else’s phone to call her grandmother.

No one answered.

Did she fall asleep again?

Shen Sijin felt uneasy and immediately hailed a taxi to the hospital.

The nursing home had good facilities and nurses, but the only drawback was that it was far from her school. Shen Sijin had never felt the journey was so long.

When Shen Sijin finally rushed into the hospital, her grandmother’s bed was empty.

She panicked and went to ask a nurse.

The nurse looked troubled. “Miss, you need to prepare yourself.”

Shen Sijin’s heart was pounding out of her chest. “Where is Grandma? What happened to her?”

The nurse spoke with difficulty. “The patient suffered a sudden cerebral hemorrhage and couldn’t be saved.”

Shen Sijin couldn’t hear the rest of what the nurse said. A sharp, intense tinnitus swept through her ears like madness.

She couldn’t help but cover her ears, stumbling back a few steps.

The nurse supported her. “Are you alright?”

Shen Sijin ignored the tinnitus. Enduring the spiritual and physical pain, she tightly gripped the nurse’s wrist.

“Take me—” She couldn’t catch her breath and said, nearly gasping, “Take me to see my grandmother…”

The nurse was startled but nodded.

Her grandmother was covered by a white sheet. Shen Sijin slowly walked toward her, each step feeling like she was treading on knife points.

She suddenly knelt beside her grandmother, her expression terrifyingly calm. She slowly pulled back the white sheet, seeing her grandmother’s pale, aged face.

She tightly covered her mouth, gripping so hard that her face almost turned blue.

A violent nausea overwhelmed her. She desperately wanted to vomit, falling to the floor and retching intensely, as if trying to bring up her internal organs.

It must be a lie.

Shen Sijin nervously clutched her hair.

Weren’t they just talking on the phone a moment ago? How could she be lying here cold now?

It must be a lie.

She reached out to hold her grandmother’s hand. It was icy cold, and she couldn’t warm it up no matter what she did.

Shen Sijin frantically tried to warm her grandmother’s hand, but nothing could warm her.

Because Grandma was dead.

A hideous, hoarse sound escaped Shen Sijin’s throat, terrifying and eerie in the quiet air.

She hugged her grandmother like a maniac, having completely lost her mind.

“Grandma… wake up. Look at me. I’m Xiao Jin.” Shen Sijin’s sweet face was distorted by pain. “Grandma, why are you lying here? Get up and look at me.”

“Get up and look at me,” Shen Sijin’s voice was terribly hoarse and filled with a thick sob. “Grandma, please get up and talk to me… Grandma—”

Shen Sijin laid her head on her grandmother’s chest, trembling violently. “Grandma, didn’t you have anything you wanted to say to me?”

No matter what Shen Sijin said, her grandmother would never wake up, stroke her head, and affectionately call her Xiao Jin.

This was the breaking point for Shen Sijin.

She couldn’t understand how she had lost her grandmother, the only family she had in this world, in just a few hours.

She truly couldn’t possess anything.

All the pain erupted. Shen Sijin couldn’t stop her sorrowful wails. Tears streamed out of her eyes uncontrollably, as if a dam had broken. Her nose and eyes were red and swollen. She was crying so hard that her breathing suddenly became rapid and shallow.

She was crying almost convulsively, her heaving chest sounding like the mournful clang of a beaten bellows.

“Grandma—”

“Please wake up and look at me. I beg you.”

Her grandmother had no other relatives. The funeral arrangements were handled by Shen Sijin and Bai Mingyu.

Bai Mingyu bought her a new phone and transferred all the data from the old one. Shen Sijin didn’t pay much attention to the phone.

After that intense episode of crying, Shen Sijin became strangely calm. Her every movement was disconcertingly composed.

Bai Mingyu was terrified watching her.

She knew how important her grandmother was to Shen Sijin. All words of comfort felt hollow. Bai Mingyu could only watch over her every day, hoping nothing bad would happen to her.

But Shen Sijin remained unexpectedly calm, which was what made it terrifying.

Her grandmother had no other family, so the funeral wasn’t complicated. After laying her to rest, Shen Sijin looked at her tombstone, silently for a long time.

Shen Sijin stood in front of her grandmother’s tombstone for a very, very long time. From sunrise until the sun began to set, she remained there in silence.

The wind caught Shen Sijin’s long, black dress. Her hair was long, the curly ends resting on her back.

But her pure amber eyes were devoid of color, holding only the deep stillness of dead water.

It was the lifeless gaze of an animal.

Before darkness completely set in, Shen Sijin left the cemetery.

Bai Mingyu had been waiting for her by the car for a long time. Seeing her walk down, she waved.

“Xiao Jin,” Bai Mingyu didn’t dare to say anything that might upset her. “Let’s go back.”

Shen Sijin nodded, silently taking the passenger seat.

Bai Mingyu felt terrible seeing her like this, but there was nothing she could do.

Shen Sijin stopped staying in the dorm. She moved back home.

Bai Mingyu felt extremely worried about the current Shen Sijin. Since her grandmother’s death, Shen Sijin had barely smiled. Her face was mostly expressionless. Sometimes, she would even grab Bai Mingyu, saying with frantic helplessness that someone was following her, even though there was clearly nothing behind her.

Bai Mingyu was heartbroken for Shen Sijin.

The current her truly had nothing left.