After The Cannon Fodder Died, She Became The Female Lead’s White Moonlight (GL) - Chapter 35.2

The current Shen Sijin was someone else. The original Shen Sijin had already vanished.

According to her notes, the “female lead” was herself. So, the world she was living in was a novel?

And the current Shen Sijin was someone who had read this novel and knew the original Shen Sijin would be ruined by her, which was why she mentioned needing to win her favor. Shen Sijin naturally also knew about her own childhood past.

Had the moment she got into a car accident and was taken to that small town marked the disappearance of the original Shen Sijin, replaced by another Shen Sijin?

In a flash of realization, Che Gulai suddenly recalled the words Shen Sijin had spoken in the past.

She said she was not Shen Sijin.

And she once mentioned that her grandfather had locked her in a psychiatric hospital, but her grandfather had died before she was born.

And the scar on her leg!

Shen Sijin had previously told her that she had a knife scar on her leg from childhood, but Che Gulai hadn’t seen it when she prepared her body for the funeral.

All the seemingly contradictory words now seemed to have an explanation.

The moment she was brought to the small town after the car accident, the original, real Shen Sijin might have died, and another Shen Sijin had transmigrated into that body, replacing her.

Che Gulai didn’t want to believe these notes. If it were before, Che Gulai would have simply thought Shen Sijin was having an episode and wouldn’t have taken it seriously.

But now, she couldn’t dismiss it.

The drastic change in personality, the out-of-the-blue comments, and knowing her previously unknown childhood secrets.

This was no longer something that could be explained by split personality.

If Shen Sijin’s notes were true…

If they were true…

Che Gulai’s face instantly went white. She stumbled backward in a panic, collapsing onto the bed.

It couldn’t be.

How could something so absurd be true?

She refused to believe it. She frantically looked for Shen Sijin’s old books. Even if a person’s personality changed, their handwriting shouldn’t.

She found a notebook belonging to Shen Sijin from a year ago. She compared the handwriting in that notebook with the handwriting in the butterfly specimen book.

The handwriting in the notebook from a year ago was large and hastily written, scrawled and messy.

The handwriting in the butterfly specimen book was elegant and neat, with well-formed strokes—a completely different style.

It felt like a giant mountain was crushing her chest. Che Gulai could barely breathe.

How was she supposed to believe that the Shen Sijin she had always hated had died a long time ago, that the gloomy, selfish Shen Sijin had died back in that small town?

And that the person who stayed by her side was someone else entirely.

The innocent, bright Shen Sijin.

Her target of revenge had been wrong all along.

How much did that pure Shen Sijin love her?

And what had she done?

She deceived her emotions, delighted in playing tricks on her, spoke maliciously to her, dismissed her kindness, and even felt disgusted by it.

Finally, she even locked her in a psychiatric hospital.

From that small town onward, Shen Sijin was a different person. She was innocent.

But Che Gulai had personally pushed this girl, who saw the world only through her eyes, onto the path of death.

Shen Sijin loved her so much. How heartbroken must she have been when she realized she was inexplicably suffering malice that wasn’t meant for her?

Che Gulai had always believed that Shen Sijin was the one who was wrong between them, that she was an unmitigated villain. But the truth was the opposite. She was the one who was truly wrong.

What had she done?

Che Gulai buried her face in her hands. She desperately didn’t want to believe it. She frantically tried to deceive herself—It’s all fake. Shen Sijin’s notes are fake. Shen Sijin is Shen Sijin. She is no one else.

Her target of revenge was not mistaken.

How could something this absurd possibly be real?!

Che Gulai wanted to flee the room as if escaping a fire, but she tripped over the corner of the bed and fell to the floor.

She tried to stand up, but her eyes caught sight of something. She reached into the corner of the TV stand and pulled out a photo.

It was their joint photo.

But Shen Sijin’s face was completely slashed, leaving only her own face intact in the picture.

Undoubtedly, Shen Sijin had done this herself.

She used to cherish this photo, but now she had personally destroyed it.

It was as if her pure love had finally devolved into hatred for Che Gulai.

Che Gulai looked at the photo. The emotions she had suppressed for so long finally erupted.

Disgust, rejection, attraction, softening, coldness, regret—countless emotions violently exploded inside her. She couldn’t describe what she was feeling, only that her heart was drowned by a massive tsunami. She was heavily suffocated.

Her heart held a belated affection, but the attraction came too late. All her feelings were meaningless.

Her immense grief was nothing more than self-inflicted regret.

Che Gulai had made a grave mistake, and it was forever irreparable.

Xiao Xu noticed that Ms. Che seemed much more haggard lately. She was usually cold and expressionless.

But lately, she looked utterly exhausted. A deep melancholy constantly clouded her eyes.

A few days ago, a photo was placed on her desk with one person’s face completely scratched out. The other person’s face was still visible. Xiao Xu didn’t understand the purpose of displaying such a damaged photo.

It was an ugly picture.

Yet, Che Gulai would stare blankly at the photo from time to time, and then inexplicably cover it up.

As if she dared not look.

Why would she be afraid to look at a photo?

Was it that scary?

Xiao Xu truly didn’t understand.

Che Gulai knew she was acting strangely.

She was grieving for someone.

And grieving for a stranger, someone whose true face she didn’t even know.

She didn’t know what the Shen Sijin from that other world looked like. Perhaps she would never know.

Che Gulai spent several days piecing together Shen Sijin’s abnormalities. She still wouldn’t give up, desperately trying to prove it was all fake.

But all the past details confirmed that Shen Sijin hadn’t lied.

And it was precisely because she hadn’t lied that Che Gulai was even more devastated.

She had been abandoned since childhood. Through endless cycles of being taken in and discarded, she felt like trash that could be tossed anywhere. Genuine affection was almost non-existent for her.

She was surrounded by false sincerity. Che Gulai, influenced by her environment, had lost the ability to believe in kindness. She became sharp and cold, always assuming the worst intentions in others.

She was even vengeful to an extreme degree.

She didn’t believe anyone would approach her without malice or ulterior motives. Therefore, she interpreted Shen Sijin’s genuine kindness as pretense, and used her own malice to systematically destroy the last person in the world who was kind to her.

Should she call it regret?

Che Gulai felt the word was too mild. It was inadequate to describe the immense pressure in her heart.

Even if she regretted it, what good would it do? She had personally caused the death of that person. Regret was merely the bitter fruit of her own selfish malice. She even found her own regret disgusting, as if regret was insufficient to fully encompass her sin.

One day, the jewelry store suddenly called her to say that the butterfly earrings she had commissioned were ready.

Che Gulai suddenly remembered that she had commissioned butterfly earrings for Shen Sijin. She went to the store.

The butterfly earrings were even more exquisite and beautiful than the previous purple ones. The Blue Morpho butterflies looked almost identical to the butterfly on the music box Shen Sijin had given her—dreamlike and vibrant.

Che Gulai could imagine how beautiful Shen Sijin would have looked wearing them.

But Shen Sijin couldn’t see them now.

The un-given butterfly earrings, the broken music box, everything about her relationship with Shen Sijin—it was all ill-timed.

The ill-timed meeting, the love, the betrayal, had all become a ridiculous farce.

She looked at the butterfly earrings and covered her face, letting out a pale, dry laugh.

It was all ill-timed.

Che Gulai started having frequent dreams.

Many times, Che Gulai dreamed of Shen Sijin. She stood far away, gazing deeply at her, seemingly smiling. Her short, curly hair was gently ruffled by the wind. Che Gulai ran up to her and asked, Are you hurting?

Shen Sijin, are you hurting?

You were so afraid of pain. How much agony did you endure when you fell from the rooftop, breaking your bones?

Shen Sijin in the dream didn’t speak. She seemed to be angry with Che Gulai, disappearing from her sight with a proud, sulky demeanor.

Che Gulai sat in the vast, black void, desperately searching for her shadow.

But she didn’t reappear.

Che Gulai couldn’t help but cry into her hands.

Shen Sijin, I have something I want to tell you.

Don’t disappear.

Please listen to me.

Che Gulai woke up from the dream with a gasp. She was panting heavily, realizing it was only a dream.

A year had passed since Shen Sijin died. She constantly dreamed of Shen Sijin. Only in her dreams could she see Shen Sijin’s face.

She didn’t have any photos of Shen Sijin. The only joint photo was defaced.

She didn’t know why she started dreaming of Shen Sijin so frequently. Was it her regret, her guilt, or… longing?

Whatever the reason, as long as she could dream of Shen Sijin, that was enough.

She didn’t want to forget Shen Sijin’s face.

She still had words she needed to say to her.

What did she want to say?

She wanted to say:

Shen Sijin, I’m sorry for everything.

I was self-absorbed and caused your death.

She wanted to say so much, but she felt she didn’t deserve to utter any of those words.

Every year after this, Che Gulai would continue to dream of her.

These dreams were a constant reminder of the enormous mistake she had made.

Her life was surrounded by malice. She was rarely cherished, so she always perceived Shen Sijin’s kind gaze as a long, dull knife.

A piece of her heart was missing. A howling wind constantly raged in her soul.

She always felt an immense emptiness, as if she had lost her very core.

Since Shen Sijin’s death, no one else was willing to come near her.

Che Gulai lived her life with even greater indifference, unable to feel much joy, and no longer feeling hatred.

Her cold face became even more distant.

She existed every day like an emotionless block of ice.

Yet, sometimes, whenever she thought of Shen Sijin, rain would start falling in her heart.

She wished countless times that Shen Sijin would appear before her the next second, but the dead were dead. No matter how much she missed her, that person would never return.

Belated affection was meaningless.

Che Gulai knew this well.

She believed that for the rest of her life, she would live with regret and despair.

Shen Sijin, I only miss you after you died.

Do you find me disgusting?

Even so, I still miss you.