Appearing on a Marriage Show Before Getting Divorced - Chapter 45

“—We’ve found a heart donor!”

Ruan Youran was trembling with joy, and while Chu Nian smiled, her eyes were clouded with conflict. Youran was too ecstatic to notice; even as she reached for Nian Nian’s hand, her palms were burning hot with excitement.

Once in the car, Youran gripped the steering wheel, but sitting in the driver’s seat, her hands and feet wouldn’t stop shaking. Her life had seen many joys, but never one like this.

Seeing her struggle, Chu Nian took her hand. “Let me drive.” It was too dangerous for Youran to be behind the wheel in this state.

Youran nodded. She turned to Chu Nian and suddenly pulled her into a fierce embrace. “Don’t be afraid… please don’t be afraid…”

Warm tears slid from the corners of her eyes. How could Youran not understand Chu Nian? Chu Nian bit her lip, weeping as well.

Having a donor heart made her happy, of course, but she could never forget the image of Lilo telling her the success rate for this surgery was extremely low. If she didn’t go through with the transplant… if she just kept holding on and maintaining her health, perhaps she could stay with Youran and Zhengzhi a little longer.

But what if she couldn’t make it off the operating table? She would never again see Youran’s gentle smile or hear her voice; she would never again hold Zhengzhi’s soft body or hear her milky voice call her “Mamma.”

Youran held her tighter. “You promised me, we would be together for a lifetime, remember?!”

Chu Nian nodded through her sobs. Whenever she felt weak or wanted to retreat, Ruan Youran was her courage.

When they arrived home, the living room lights were on. Ruan Qiu and Chu Qing were sitting there, waiting.

When Youran entered holding Nian Nian’s hand, her eyes were still red. She stared straight at Chu Qing. Chu Qing smiled, but the smile seemed to hide something else. “You’re back. Did you have fun?”

Ruan Qiu sat nearby in silence, seemingly lost in deep thought. Both Youran and Chu Nian were sensitive; they looked at the two mothers, and Youran said to Chu Nian, “Go check on Zhengzhi first.”

Chu Nian nodded and went into the bedroom. Once the door was closed, Youran sat across from the two elders.

Ruan Qiu spoke slowly: “Tomorrow I’ll send someone to fetch Lilo; she knows Nian Nian’s body best. Also, from now on, Nian Nian needs to prepare her body. Everything must be for the surgery.”

Youran nodded, her eyes fixed on her mother. Ruan Qiu turned her head away, avoiding the gaze. Youran then looked at Chu Qing. After a moment of silence, Chu Qing said softly: “Jianjian… the donor heart belongs to Nian Nian’s mother.”

The words hit like a bolt from the blue. Youran sat frozen on the sofa, feeling as if her blood had stopped flowing. Chu Qing placed a worried hand on Youran’s. When she had first returned, her blood was boiling with excitement; now, it felt as though she had been plunged into a bottomless abyss.

Chu Qing’s voice was heavy with sadness. “She came to find me… she was very resolute. Her illness is advanced—late-stage cancer. I asked many friends to consult, and I’ve seen her diagnosis myself.”

Youran’s gaze went blank. So that’s it… How could Chu Nian ever accept this? She had finally seen a glimmer of light in her dark life, only to find out it was her own mother’s heart.

She lives, but her mother dies. Wouldn’t that kill Chu Nian just the same?

Youran shook her head. “No… we… we can wait… we can wait for another one…”

Chu Qing looked into her eyes. “How much longer do you think Nian Nian can wait?”

Youran’s tears fell, her emotions boiling over. “But it can’t be like this! It will kill her with grief!”

Ruan Qiu and Chu Qing fell silent. They also found the outcome difficult to accept. Youran trembled, her hands clutching her head as she curled into a ball. “Why… why… why on earth… what did Nian Nian do wrong… why does she have to bear all of this?”

By the time Youran composed herself and entered the bedroom, Chu Nian was already asleep, holding Zhengzhi. The child looked adorable, her little foot resting on her mother, a bit of drool at the corner of her mouth. According to her grandmother, she was doing great at kindergarten—no longer playing dumb, her IQ was leagues above the other kids, and she had quickly become the star of the class.

Youran looked at Chu Nian. Her complexion had only just begun to improve under Youran’s care. Her hand rested on Zhengzhi, a sweet smile on her lips. Youran’s nose stung. She leaned down, pressed a kiss to each of their foreheads, and went back to the living room.

She didn’t turn on the lights. Just like the years when Chu Nian was gone. She opened a cold beer; the sting of the alcohol made her mouth numb. Lighting a cigarette, she watched the moon and stars outside.

Was it because her state of mind had changed? When she was on the mountaintop with Chu Nian, everything felt impossibly beautiful. But now… even the moonlight felt tragic. She sat there until the stars faded and the sun began to rise.

When her legs were so numb she could barely move, Youran took a deep breath. She had made a decision.

Chu Nian was busy from the moment she woke up. Zhengzhi had to go to kindergarten; she had to feed her and watch her put on her backpack. She originally intended to drop the girl off, but Youran stopped her.

Youran was pale. “Nian Nian, I have something to tell you.”

Chu Nian hesitated, looking at her face. “Did you not sleep at all?”

Youran didn’t answer, a sense of desolation surrounding her once more. Zhengzhi was well-behaved; she looked at her two mothers, waved her book, and said, “Goodbye.” Their grandmother was already waiting at the door.

Ruan Qiu and Chu Qing looked at the couple in silence. Their original plan was to keep the truth from Chu Nian, and Chu Nian’s mother wanted the same. But Youran disagreed. She had been on the receiving end of secrets before; she knew how much a lie—even a well-intentioned one—could scar a heart.

Besides, could they really hide it? Chu Nian was brilliant. Before accepting a transplant, she would definitely insist on visiting the donor’s family. How could they hide it then? And even if they got past that, what about the clues left behind later? They were mother and daughter, linked by blood. She would find out eventually. And the pain then would be a thousand times worse than it was now.

Once the child was gone, Chu Nian sat across from Youran. Noting Youran’s expression, she felt a pang of worry. “Is there a problem with the heart donor? Youran, don’t be sad. Whatever it is, I can accept it…”

The more she acted like this, the more Youran’s heart broke. Tears splashed down her face. Chu Nian walked over, hugged her, and kissed her forehead. “It’s okay. I’ve been through the worst already…”

What was there to fear? Heaven was unfair to her. Fine, so be it. She had already experienced the most painful loves, hates, and partings in life. What else could there be?

Youran took a deep breath, her hands clenched into fists as if gathering every ounce of strength in her body. “Nian Nian, the heart belongs to your mother.”

Chu Nian froze. “What did you say?”

Knowing it would hurt, Youran looked her in the eyes and repeated: “The heart is your mother’s.”

Silence. Chu Nian heard it, yet it felt as if she hadn’t. A moment later, tears slowly rolled down her cheeks. Youran tried to hug her, but Chu Nian struggled out of her grasp. “I don’t want it… I don’t want it like this… Youran… I won’t…”

No wonder. No wonder her mother, whom she hadn’t seen for so long, suddenly appeared to tell her she was ill and transfer all her assets. No wonder she couldn’t find her, no matter how hard she looked.

Youran was also weeping as she held her. “Nian Nian…”

Chu Nian trembled with sobs. “How… how could she do this… I live, while she dies… I…”

Her life, from childhood to now, had never felt blessed. She had endured so much pain. Youran always said that even as a youth, Chu Nian had the eyes of an old soul, as if she had already seen through the world and held no attachments. She had been sad, in pain, even devastated… but she never imagined trading her mother’s life for her own.

Chu Nian’s reaction was violent. She struggled for a moment, but her body was too weak; her vision went black and she fainted.

Youran was terrified. She quickly pressed the acupressure point under Nian Nian’s nose and put a fast-acting heart pill in her mouth. Chu Qing and Ruan Qiu rushed back immediately. Chu Qing brought an authoritative doctor—an old man with a white beard. He set up an IV for Chu Nian and sighed. “This girl’s body is in such poor condition.”

Everyone was silent. There was nothing else to say. Youran sat by her side in silent companionship. Now, Chu Nian’s heart was fragile and shattered, and Youran felt as though her own heart had also weathered a lifetime of storms.

When the IV was finished, Chu Nian woke up slowly. She didn’t speak or make a sound; she just lay there as tears soaked into her pillow. Youran’s heart ached, but she had no words of comfort.

In the afternoon, the doorbell rang. Youran thought it was Lilo arriving, but when she opened the door, she froze.

“Mom…”

Chu Nian’s mother stood there. Her face held the ashen pallor of severe illness, but her eyes were still sharp. She smiled at Youran. “Youran, Mom came to see Nian Nian.”

Looking at her, Youran’s tears fell uncontrollably. The mother saw this and stroked her hair. “You’re thirty now, not a child. Why are you still crying?”

In the past, when Youran and Chu Nian fought, Youran would try to act tough, but if Chu Nian ignored her, she would sniffle and wipe her nose downstairs. Chu Nian’s mother had caught her in that pathetic state many times. Remembering this, Youran’s tears fell even faster. Memories can be lethal. If it hurt her this much, how did it feel for Chu Nian?

The mother walked in carrying a thermal container. “Where is Nian Nian?”

Before she could finish, the bedroom door was flung open. Chu Nian ran out barefoot, her hair a mess and her eyes red, staring blankly at her mother. Except for the ashen complexion, her mother looked exactly as she did in her memory. Chu Nian stood motionless, and her mother watched her with a gaze full of lingering affection and reluctance.

After a moment of silence, the mother waved her hand. “Look at you, running around without shoes. Aren’t you afraid of catching a cold? Come here. Mom made the vegetable medley and preserved egg porridge you like.”

Chu Nian’s tears streamed down her face. Youran brought her slippers. Chu Nian walked to her mother and pulled her into a sudden, desperate embrace. The mother hugged her back, and this strong woman finally let her own tears fall.

Her life had been a failure. Now, for her daughter, this was the only thing she could do. Even a hug like this had been rare for them in the past. Chu Nian cried like a helpless child in her arms. Her mother wiped her eyes and held her. “Alright, now. You mustn’t get too excited, hm? Come and taste Mom’s cooking.”

In the past, her mother rarely had the chance to cook for her. When Chu Nian was small it happened more often, but as she grew, her mother’s business grew as well. She became incredibly successful and naturally had no time for her daughter. She wanted to hire nannies, but Chu Nian refused; Nian Nian wasn’t used to strangers in the house. Back then, on her birthdays, besides seeing Youran, Chu Nian’s greatest wish was a home-cooked meal from her mother.

Now, after all these years, she finally had it. Chu Nian ate through her tears—every bite tasted of her mother, the taste of home. Her memory of “home” hadn’t provided much warmth, but no matter how cold it was, it was still her home. If her mother was truly gone… she would truly have no home left in this world.

Halfway through the meal, the doorbell rang again. Youran looked at her mother-in-law, who said, “Go open the door. It’s someone I invited.”

Youran and Chu Nian expected a doctor, but when the door opened, the man standing there looked somewhat like a stranger to Youran. “Dad…”

It was Chu Nian’s father. Youran couldn’t remember the last time she had seen him. He had aged significantly. Youran had heard that after he cheated and divorced, he didn’t have much of a life with his mistress. They eventually divorced because they couldn’t have children. He had tried to reconcile with Chu Nian’s mother, but she was no longer the woman who had struggled and started a business with him. She was wealthy, poised, and far beyond his reach.

Chu Nian was also startled to see her father.

“You’re here. Come, sit down,” her mother said. Her tone was casual, as if speaking to an old friend she hadn’t seen in a while.

Chu Nian’s father had aged the most. In his youth, he was tall and lean, a man pursued by many women. Now, he couldn’t hide the toll of time. His eyes were bloodshot; he clearly knew what was happening.

His mother spoke calmly: “I called you here to settle some affairs, to avoid any unnecessary trouble later.”

The father bit his lip hard, his heart filled with regret and sorrow. It was he who had shattered a happy family; it was he who had led his wife and daughter to this point. He had asked many doctors, and they told him that most liver cancer patients are those who bottle up their anger and keep everything inside. When his mother divorced him, even after finding out about the other woman, she had only wept silently. Then she said nothing, packed her bags, and left. When she finally took Nian Nian away, the look she gave him was as cold as a stranger’s.

Chu Nian sat there, her hands and feet cold. Her mother looked at them both. “First, I am indeed in the late stages of liver cancer. No one needs to doubt that.”

Her mother looked at the father. “I am donating my heart to my daughter. It is not out of spite toward you. You are not worth it.”

The father’s tears fell. “But… if you lived… if you lived, there would still be a sliver of hope.” This was what Chu Nian wanted to say too; miracles happened, and people given terminal diagnoses often recovered unexpectedly.

“I don’t believe in miracles,” the mother said coldly. “And miracles aren’t meant for people like me.” Miracles were for those whose hearts were full of love and who were bathed in it—like her daughter.

The father was consumed by remorse. “Don’t be like this. Give me one more chance, I—”

“There’s no need for that,” the mother interrupted. She loved decisively and hated just as cleanly. “I’m telling you, Wenbin, from the day you abandoned us, I lost my will to live. I’ve only lingered in this world to vent that resentment and for my daughter.”

She looked at Chu Nian. A mother knows her daughter best. She knew what her daughter had always lacked. She had spent years building an empire so that once Nian Nian’s health improved, she wouldn’t have to work so hard. Her gaze softened as she looked at Chu Nian. “Nian Nian, don’t be sad. Mom’s heart is already dead; I no longer care for this physical shell. If…” she looked at Youran with the same tenderness, “If my heart is inside you, and I can watch you and Youran live a happy life, then my life will not have been in vain.”

Chu Nian was weeping, shaking her head desperately. Her mother walked over, pulled her into her arms, and kissed her hair. “Nian Nian, be good. Mom has never asked for anything in her life, but now, I’m asking you. If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t have held on this long.”

A person with a dead heart cannot be saved.

Mom… Chu Nian trembled, sobbing into her mother’s chest. Her father kept his head down, tears splashing onto the floor. Youran leaned against the wall, weeping silently.

“Alright, that’s that. I have to go.” Her mother wiped her tears and smiled. Chu Nian grabbed her. “Where are you going?”

“Nian Nian, Mom can’t hold on much longer. I have one month left for you. During this month, you and Youran must live happily. As for me…” she said flatly, “You know I am a proud person. I don’t want anyone to see my weakness and pain before I die.”

Chu Nian bit her lip so hard she almost drew blood. Her mother looked at her intently, her gaze slow, as if carving every detail into her memory. One last hug. She held her daughter and whispered in her ear: “Nian Nian, I love you.”

Chu Nian let out a wail of grief.

Her mother added: “I’m sorry.”

I love you. I’m sorry. So many people spend their entire lives wasting away within those two phrases.