Appearing on a Marriage Show Before Getting Divorced - Chapter 46

After Mother Chu left, Chu Nian sank into a deep depression. It was like a whirlpool—no matter how hard she struggled, she couldn’t pull away and was constantly dragged into the abyss.

She lay on the bed, her back turned to the world, curtains drawn tight, motionless. This seemed to be the theme of her life: gray, obscure, a world that was never meant to have a single ray of light.

Memories of her childhood experiences surfaced one by one…

She even ignored Ruan Youran, the only person who could bring a smile to her face. Chu Nian thought many times: if she didn’t exist in this world, how happy Youran would be. Youran was meant to be the sun—the dazzling, chosen one of the heavens. And Zhengzhi… Zhengzhi wouldn’t have had to endure so much from such a young age.

Once a person falls into a low point, it is far too difficult to walk out. She was drowning in self-pity and resentment toward the unfairness of fate. She felt she simply shouldn’t exist between heaven and earth.

Ruan Youran stood at the door many times, sighing softly. When she went to pick up Zhengzhi from school in the afternoon, she saw the child walking out with the same stoic face as usual. The little girl with the pigtails was still hopping along beside her. “Zhengzhi, Zhengzhi, you’re so smart! Can you teach me how to build that toy?”

Zhengzhi frowned. “Dummy.”

The little girl was surprised. “Yeah! My parents say that too. How did you know?”

Zhengzhi: “…”

The scene felt familiar. It reminded Youran of herself and Chu Nian when they were young.

On the way home, Zhengzhi looked at Youran and asked, “Mamma-Youran, are you unhappy?” At such a young age, Zhengzhi’s eyes seemed capable of seeing through people’s hearts.

Youran tried to smile, but it was bitter. “Mamma hasn’t been feeling well lately. Zhengzhi, will you help Mamma-Youran make Mamma get better soon?”

Zhengzhi nodded. “I know.” She looked down at the ugly bear her grandma gave her and added, “Just like Mamma helped Mamma-Youran walk out of the dark.”

That one sentence. That one sentence nearly forced Youran to burst into tears.

Why? At this moment, even Youran wanted to ask the Heavens: they were kind, simple, and only loved each other. Why did they have to endure such endless tribulations?

Chu Qing and Ruan Qiu prepared dinner at home, waiting for Youran and the child. Ruan Qiu was very silent. She still found it difficult to accept Mother Chu’s decision to donate her heart. But having worked with her for many years as her superior, she knew exactly how stubborn that woman was. Once she decided, she would not be moved. Moreover, there was no better alternative right now.

Chu Qing’s mind was entirely on Nian Nian. This state was unacceptable; with only one month left, Nian Nian had to adjust her emotions and physical state as quickly as possible.

Chu Qing went in to persuade her, but Chu Nian acted as if she couldn’t hear. Her eyes were hollow, as if she had no soul. It was terrifying.

But how could Chu Qing reproach her? Nian Nian had endured too much. These events were stacked on her shoulders like lead; an ordinary person would have collapsed long ago.

Ruan Youran didn’t force her. Every day, she prepared the food, brought it in, and fed Chu Nian spoonful by spoonful. At first, Chu Nian didn’t move, until Youran looked at her with pleading eyes: “Don’t be like this, Nian Nian. I’m begging you, okay?”

Because of Youran’s gaze and her mournful voice, Chu Nian’s numb heart would still ache. She would open her mouth and swallow mechanically, bite by bite. When a person loses their spirit, they walk on the edge of a total breakdown.

During this time, Chu Nian was out of it. Even when Zhengzhi called for “Mamma,” she rarely responded. Chu Qing and Ruan Qiu decided that Chu Nian had walked into a dead end; like a critically ill patient, her only medicine was Youran. The grandmothers took the child back to their house, trying to give the two of them space.

But it didn’t help. Chu Nian just lay there for four or five days. Every day, Youran would go in and massage her limbs—a skill she had specifically learned from a therapist for Nian Nian’s post-op recovery. She hadn’t expected to use it so soon.

Every morning, Youran left very early. she went to the temple to pray for Chu Nian. She would tell Chu Nian she was leaving, but Chu Nian never reacted.

With a sigh, the door closed, and Youran left. Day after day passed. Soon, a week had gone by, and the next day was Zhengzhi’s third birthday.

In the morning, Youran sat on a chair looking at Chu Nian, cupping Nian Nian’s chin with her hands. “Nian Nian, tomorrow is Zhengzhi’s birthday.”

Because of the lack of sunlight, Chu Nian’s face had turned a sallow, ashen color in just one week. It looked terrible.

Chu Nian didn’t speak. Youran’s tears fell. She looked at Chu Nian. “Do you have to be like this?”

It wasn’t that she wanted to be. It was just that the pain was too much, and Chu Nian didn’t know how to ease it.

Youran looked into her eyes through her tears. “Do you remember what you promised me when we got married?”

—Through life or death, poverty or wealth, sickness or health, never to part.

Youran grit her teeth. “You’ve already disappointed me once. Do you want to do it a second time?”

A single tear finally slid from the corner of Chu Nian’s eye. She looked at Youran, her gaze helpless and fragile. Youran took Chu Nian’s hand and placed it over her own heart. “It hurts here.”

She wasn’t the only one in pain. Compared to Chu Nian, Youran hurt even more. Watching her lover sink away without any way to stop it… she didn’t know how she could keep going. Ultimately, unable to bring herself to push Chu Nian further, Youran kissed her forehead and left.

Time ticked by… Youran’s words echoed in Chu Nian’s mind.

—You’ve already disappointed me once. Do you want to do it a second time?

Back then, with so much pain, she had stayed alone abroad with Zhengzhi, not knowing how to get through the days. She had once prayed to the gods: if she could only receive Youran’s forgiveness, if she could only have her for one more day, she would give anything.

And now? She had been forgiven, she had her again, and she was surrounded by deep love. Why… why did these difficulties weigh her down again?

Chu Nian staggered out of bed. Having not stood for days, her steps were unsteady. she walked to the dark windows. Taking a deep breath, she pulled the curtains open with force.

Bright sunlight poured in. On the window was a drawing Zhengzhi had made while standing on a stool: the Peppa Pig family. Three little pigs holding hands, wearing sunflower petals as hats, laughing happily under the radiant sun.

In that moment, Chu Nian slowly sat on the floor, curled into a ball, and wept.

Why? Why on earth?? She didn’t want to be like this… she didn’t want to…

Ruan Qiu arrived at one o’clock in the afternoon. She was surprised to see Chu Nian up and sitting blankly in the living room. “Nian Nian, have you eaten?”

Chu Nian looked at Ruan Qiu. Her complexion was poor and her expression haggard, but she finally spoke: “No.”

Ruan Qiu nodded. Ever since the two got back together, she had been cooking almost every day. Today, Chu Qing stayed home with the child; Ruan Qiu had come because she was worried about Chu Nian, and Youran had called her specifically to ask her to help look after her.

She made noodles for Chu Nian. Having stayed in bed for days, Nian Nian’s body was weak and needed nourishment. Tomato and beef noodles—the aroma of the beef filled the air, and the sweet and sour tomato broth soaked into the noodles, topped with scallions and cilantro.

A large bowl was placed before Chu Nian. She picked up her chopsticks and began to eat silently. Ruan Qiu sat satisfied on a small stool, smiling and eating an apple while watching her.

Bite by bite. The broth was rich. For some reason, Chu Nian’s eyes turned red. She looked up at Ruan Qiu. The usually meticulously groomed Ruan Qiu now had several strands of gray at her temples. Lately, the two elders had spent all their energy on their daughter and granddaughter; she had no time to focus on her appearance.

Chu Nian bit her lip, her nose stinging. “Mom.”

“Yes!” Ruan Qiu answered instantly. Right now, if Chu Nian wanted anything, she would do her best to provide it.

Chu Nian took a bite of noodles, ripples forming in the soup. “I’m sorry…”

Because of her alone, so many people were running themselves ragged. The two elders should be enjoying their retirement, but to care for her and the child… they had sacrificed so much. Since she returned, they hadn’t uttered a single word of reproach, only acceptance. They had helped this family reunite step by step. What had she done to deserve this?

Ruan Qiu froze. After a moment, she smiled. “Silly child. Isn’t it a parent’s duty to sacrifice for their children?”

Chu Nian kept her head down. “Mom, I want to go see Youran.”

Naturally, that was a good thing. Ruan Qiu also wanted to see Youran. That child had been acting possessed lately, running to the temple every day—she wasn’t actually planning on becoming a monk, was she?

The trip was long, taking nearly an hour. Lingguang Temple was in the mountains, a beautiful place surrounded by water. Getting out of the car, Ruan Qiu stretched. “Ah, haven’t been here in a long time.”

Chu Nian looked at her. Ruan Qiu explained with a smile: “Back in the day, your mother and I went through our share of drama too. Back then, it felt like our feelings were a ball of yarn, tangled into a dead knot that couldn’t be undone.” She sighed. “When life sees no sun and days see no hope, many people choose to rely on a spiritual world. Otherwise… they’d go crazy.”

Chu Nian pursed her lips and looked at the afternoon sun. At this moment, she desperately wanted to hug Ruan Youran. That person loved her so much—loved her enough to swallow all the pain and sorrow alone, never bearing to scold her once.

Master Huiguo was surprised to see Ruan Qiu. she smiled softly. “You have come.” Her tone was like speaking to a child.

Ruan Qiu was very respectful, pressing her hands together. “Haha, yes. Long time no see, Master. You are as radiant as ever.”

Practitioners were different; after all this time, the Master’s eyes were still piercing. Moving a prayer bead, she asked, “Have you come to seek Youran?”

Both nodded. The Master rose and led them outside. “She has gone to perform the pilgrimage.”

Pilgrimage? Ruan Qiu was shocked. Chu Nian looked on with confusion.

Master Huiguo explained: “She came to see me some days ago, asking what the most sincere form of prayer was. That child was very anxious, her tone very urgent. Did you not know?” She looked at Ruan Qiu, who stayed silent; she knew.

Master Huiguo’s gaze swept over Chu Nian. “When a person loses their composure, they tend to turn to desperate measures.” She led them to a forest path in the backyard and pointed: “She is performing the ‘three steps, one prostration’ pilgrimage from the eastern hall to here. Many monks cannot endure it. She has persisted for several days.”

Chu Nian’s heart was torn with pain. Ruan Qiu asked, “What did you mean by ‘desperate measures’?”

Master Huiguo looked at Ruan Qiu and answered seriously: “She came to ask me if there was any way to extend a life. She said she was willing to trade her own life for Chu Nian’s.”

—She was willing to trade her own life for Chu Nian’s.

Chu Nian’s tears burst forth. Her body wavered, and she had to lean against a tree for support.

—Nian Nian, don’t be like this, okay… —Chu Nian, Chu Nian, what am I to do with you?

In the distance, the ethereal sound of a temple bell rang out. Accompanied by the chanting of Buddha’s name, a group of pilgrims slowly approached. Ruan Youran was at the front. she was focused and devoted, not seeing Ruan Qiu and Chu Nian ahead.

Over ten kilometers of mountain road, and she had covered it three steps at a time, followed by a full prostration. Master Huiguo had asked her to wear knee pads, but she refused. Right now, if it could make Chu Nian better, she would climb mountains of blades. She was out of options. Truly out of options. She could only use the most sincere, most devoted prayer to plead.

Her pants were covered in mud. The knees were torn through, revealing raw, red flesh. Every time she moved, every time she bowed her head, dirt and gravel were ground into her wounds. It was a bone-piercing pain.

Youran’s legs were shaking, but she grit her teeth and persisted, making every movement perfectly standard, murmuring prayers under her breath.

As the grand bell of the temple rang, as a ray of sunset hit her body, as sweat dripped from her forehead, Ruan Youran looked up and saw Chu Nian.

Their eyes met. Chu Nian was covered in tears. At first, Youran was startled, but very quickly, her face bloomed into that radiant smile Chu Nian knew so well.

She knew. Her wish had been granted.