To Covet (GL) - Chapter 62

“Are you really not coming back with me?”

After going downstairs, she asked again, not giving up.

“No, Auntie Shi doesn’t want to see me, and Dad agreed to let me stay here for the New Year. Why should I go back to Linzhou and make everyone unhappy during the holidays?”

Yu Zhouwan didn’t say anything, looking down to wipe the white ash off her belt.

I glimpsed the fresh hickeys she was intentionally covering on her neck. I suddenly recalled the solemn look on her face when she held that bouquet of flowers—that look of cherishing something from someone else triggered a latent anxiety.

Even though our intimate moment had filled the emptiness of the past few days, I knew that the natural flow of passion contradicted the fact that she might be hiding someone else in her heart. Yet, I couldn’t help but waver in my resolve to stay in Sucheng.

Before leaving, I once again pulled back her collar, bit and licked her warm skin until her breathing turned into painful sobs. Only after carefully concealing the destructive marks did I let go of her hand.

Returning to the north of the city and going to the high-speed rail station required taking the same subway line. Yu Zhouwan stood beside me, trying to put her arm around my shoulder. I was staring blankly at an advertisement, so I leaned into her embrace.

However, the close contact lasted only a moment. The next stop was where I needed to transfer to go back to the north of the city. I glanced at Yu Zhouwan behind me through the glass door and stepped out.

“Do you have classmates staying here for the New Year?” Seeing me return, my aunt put the stewed chicken into the rice cooker to heat up. “Where did you go to play? Are all the shops closed? There’s nowhere to eat.”

“I didn’t go anywhere special. Just stayed at the house for a while, then went out for a walk.”

“Aiya, why didn’t you invite her to sit down, have some melon seeds and snacks? Your uncle could take her back later.”

“They have New Year’s Eve dinner with their own families. It wasn’t convenient.”

“True. People who live around here are mostly from the South. They like to celebrate the New Year in the evening.” My aunt quickly and efficiently cleaned up the kitchen. “When I was home, we celebrated the New Year at noon. In the evening, it was just me, my mom, and dad sitting around eating dumplings.”

After giving a somewhat perfunctory report of my day’s “itinerary,” I closed the bathroom door, took off my pants, and cleaned the dried bodily fluids. Even though I had wiped myself, I still felt it wasn’t clean, and my legs felt sticky.

Although I had slept for a short while after what happened, walking such a long distance made my waist a bit uncomfortable. It felt like I had swallowed a whole sour jujube; a puckering soreness spread through my body, and I couldn’t get rid of it.

In the dark, I recalled what had happened during the day, involuntarily slipping my finger into my vagina entrance, inching inward.

However, before the first knuckle was in, I felt the pain stop me.

Abandoning the impromptu masturbation, I began savoring the process of Yu Zhouwan using two fingers to spread and insert into my vagina entrance and then thrusting and rubbing in the sensitive area—a mix of strange and wonderful pleasure, causing a trace of moist heat to rise to the tip of my finger.

If it weren’t for the fireworks outside, I would never have associated this ordinary day with the New Year. After dinner, the family members washed up and went to bed, each following the same boring routine as usual.

“Grandma is asleep. Be gentle later,” Seeing my dazed look, my aunt carefully instructed me. “I’ve turned on the electric blanket. If you want to watch some TV, you can come watch in my room.”

I wanted to fall asleep early and wake up to daylight, but I woke up completely in the early hours of the morning.

Listening to the continuous snoring and the fireworks outside, I tossed and turned, unable to sleep. Fearing I would wake up my grandmother, I groped for my phone in the dark, but instead touched a cold iron box.

Since receiving it, I had not been psychologically prepared to open it.

Using the light from my phone, I put on a down jacket, hugged the iron box, and went out onto the balcony.

The box was quite rusty. Prying it open with bare hands would take a lot of effort. I tiptoed to the living room and grabbed a screwdriver.

Inside were some film rolls and developed photos, as well as a black plastic bag containing something unknown.

One of the photos was a half-torn wedding photo. The others were pictures of me and Yang Chun, from a baby in a cradle all the way up to a grown-up. The most recent one was taken the summer between my eighth and ninth grade years. She uncharacteristically took me out for hotpot to make up for a missed birthday.

That was the period when her health was best before she died.

I heard the sound of slippers shuffling. Before I could put the box away, my aunt, wearing pajamas, was already standing by the door.

“When your mother passed away, I actually didn’t believe it,” she held a hot water bottle in her arms. “The night before, the doctor said she was recovering quite well and prescribed another maintenance medication for her to take after discharge.”

I sat on the floor, holding the box. My memory of Yang Chun’s death seemed blank, like a film that had a segment cut out—the previous frame was me accompanying her while she took medication and received IV fluids. The next frame, she had completely disappeared from the picture.

“Nannan, if that man treats you badly, you should come back and live with us,” my aunt sat down next to me, hugging my shoulder, quietly comforting me. “Your uncle and I don’t have much money, but we can afford your tuition fees. I’m really afraid that man will treat you badly and take his anger out on you. Nuonuo is already gone. I’m truly afraid for you, child…”

Mentioning her deceased daughter, she couldn’t help but wipe away tears, but thinking of what Yu Hanyang had done, she gritted her teeth in anger: “That man, and his current wife, they’re a pair of scoundrels. Who knows how many shady things they’ve done? Nannan, don’t let yourself get entangled…”

“No, Auntie,” I patted her hand. “No matter what, he’s my biological father. It’s his duty to pay for me. Besides, if I don’t spend his money, what if he takes his family out to enjoy themselves and gives all the money to his current wife?”

“Silly girl, money isn’t the most important thing in the world. I’m just afraid you’ll suffer in silence and refuse to tell us,” she sighed, placing the hot water bottle in my arms. “Just like your mother back then, she was bullied like that by that man and never told your grandma or us.”

“And didn’t that man have a child with that woman? He definitely favors that little girl. You might not even get the money you ask for. You’ll have to rely on their goodwill. What if that little girl tries to push you around?”

Hearing my grandmother muttering in her sleep, my aunt lowered her voice, speaking close to my ear.

“He’s a jinx, lazy, greedy, and a gambler. That man and that woman literally drove your mother to death.”

“What did he… gamble?” I didn’t recall Yu Hanyang ever playing cards or participating in such activities during the holidays.

“Didn’t your mother tell you?”

She paused, then gave a bitter, understanding smile.

“Aiyah, you were too young. It was for your own good that she didn’t tell you. It’s been almost ten years now. Your father was superstitious and got into some kind of investment that he said would double his earnings overnight. To put it plainly, wasn’t that gambling? He took out a lot of online loans to get involved, but he was completely scammed out of it all. He lost everything.”

“Then what happened?”

“Later, your mother sold her gold jewelry and jade bracelet and paid off half of the debt for him. The other half, he said he would pay himself, but he kept procrastinating, and the debt grew bigger and bigger.”

“Your mother came to us to borrow money. Nuonuo needed a heart transplant at the time, and your uncle and I couldn’t afford it either…”

The balcony was a bit drafty. She pulled me back to the master bedroom, offered me half of the bed, and sat leaning against the nightstand to talk.

“So what happened later?” I urgently wanted to know the rest.

“Later, your dad came up with a rotten idea. He made your mother share the loan with him so the interest would be lower. But that son of a bitch, that beast, borrowed the money in your mother’s name from the start and tricked her into signing.”

“And then, your grandmother couldn’t bear to see her daughter suffer, so she took out her retirement savings from the bank and gave it to your mother.”

“Your uncle was furious at the time. Your grandmother hadn’t taken out that money even when Nuonuo was sick, but now she took it out readily to clean up the mess and pay the debts of an outsider.”

She sounded like she was telling someone else’s story. I couldn’t discern what emotions she, as a character in the story, was harboring.

“Even later, Nuonuo had surgery. Because she had been taking medication since childhood and her condition had been dragged on for too long, she suffered from repeated pleural effusion after the surgery. In the end, we spent a lot of money and went to many hospitals, but we couldn’t save her.”

“Because of Nuonuo, your uncle and I fell out with your grandmother. We didn’t see each other for ten years. It wasn’t until your mother passed away that I felt sorry for her being alone and took her in to live with us.”

“I’ve come to terms with it now. Life is only a few decades, whether good or pathetic, it is what it is. It’s all in the past,” she placed her hand on the back of mine. The middle-aged woman’s hand was rough and tough, full of the traces left by life. “Nannan, when I see you, I can’t help but think of my little Nuonuo. If she were alive, she’d be your age, about to go to college and find a stable job.”

“So, Auntie really wants you to come and stay often. I’m just afraid you’d look down on us,” she spoke to me sincerely. “Auntie lost her daughter. I treat you as my own. We don’t need to beg others. If anything happens in the future, if you need money or want to buy anything, just tell your Auntie.”

I leaned quietly on her shoulder, giving a noncommittal “Mhm” to agree. An indescribable sense of reliability and stability allowed me to temporarily set aside the distressing past.

“Are you going back to your dad’s place after the New Year?”

“Yes,” I nodded seriously. “The teachers in Linzhou are good, and the learning environment is great. Plus, the school offers many competition channels. I’m afraid that switching back and forth will affect my grades.”

“Alright. If you ever feel wronged, and you want to come back here, just come back. Our Nannan has such good grades; you won’t have trouble choosing a school.”