After The Cannon Fodder Died, She Became The Female Lead’s White Moonlight (GL) - Chapter 34.1

Shen Sijin was admitted to the hospital. For the first few days, she simply refused to eat or drink, constantly staring blankly at one spot. No matter who spoke to her, she remained silent.

She was like a broken puppet.

Che Gulai didn’t tell anyone about Shen Sijin. She had someone contact the school advisor and arrange a long leave of absence for her.

She didn’t request a withdrawal from school. Although Che Gulai had put her in a psychiatric hospital, she didn’t intend to keep her locked up forever.

Che Gulai sent her to the hospital not only because she was fed up with Shen Sijin’s madness but also for a reason she didn’t want to admit.

She wanted Shen Sijin to return to normal, instead of remaining in this current state of hysteria and pain.

This reason was one Che Gulai stubbornly refused to acknowledge, as it seemed to contradict some deep-seated belief. She vehemently denied it, constantly manipulating her own mind.

If Shen Sijin ever recovered, Che Gulai would let her go.

She just didn’t know if Shen Sijin would ever have a normal day again.

Che Gulai visited her the day she was admitted. However, Shen Sijin didn’t say a word to her, only giving her a look of intense hatred.

Shen Sijin hated her.

This look of hatred was different from the animosity Shen Sijin had shown her previously because of Zhou Zi.

This hatred was pitiable—the deep resentment of betrayal.

It was the profound hatred displayed by a small, abandoned animal.

Che Gulai only felt displeasure at the time, and a deepening sense of panic that she couldn’t ignore. Perhaps the gaze was too intense. Che Gulai didn’t return for several days.

Realizing that her emotions were becoming entangled with Shen Sijin, she forced herself to stop paying attention to her.

Half a month passed this way. The hospital staff informed her that Shen Sijin’s condition had severely deteriorated.

She would scream inexplicably every night, violently throwing things, believing everyone she saw was trying to harm her. She had already injured several nurses.

Che Gulai frowned deeply, agitated by Shen Sijin’s situation.

Why was she getting worse?

How long was this woman going to be insane?

Shen Sijin once again occupied Che Gulai’s thoughts. A mixture of frustration and complex feelings made her unable to feel at ease.

She drove to the hospital. Before she even reached the room, she heard Shen Sijin’s hoarse screams and the crashing sound of breaking objects.

She strode into the room, where Shen Sijin was restrained with straps on her hands. Nurses were holding her down, trying to calm her, but Shen Sijin was struggling desperately, like a dying fish on the shore.

The room was a mess, as if a catastrophe had struck.

“Don’t touch me—” Shen Sijin cried out desperately. “Get away from me, all of you! Don’t touch me!”

Seeing her so emotionally distraught, they had to administer a sedative. Shen Sijin’s agitation slowly subsided, and she closed her eyes.

Che Gulai stood outside the door, frozen as if a pause button had been pressed.

“Ms. Che,” a nurse noticed her.

“Mhm,” Che Gulai replied. “Is her condition very bad?”

The nurse nodded. “She refuses to cooperate with the treatment. She vomits up any medication she takes, and she screams whenever she sees us enter the room.”

Che Gulai’s expression was cold, her ice-water eyes showing a subtle crack.

“How often is she lucid?”

“Not often. Most of the time, she’s staring blankly and doesn’t speak.”

“Understood,” Che Gulai said. “Thank you for your trouble.”

“There is one more thing,” the nurse said, her face troubled. “Miss Shen has severe self-destructive tendencies. We’ve stopped her several times.”

The nurse had seen many psychiatric patients, but never one so desperate to die, as if living truly was an immense torment for her.

Sometimes, watching her broken and desperate state, the nurse even felt that perhaps death would be a true release for her. However, Che Gulai would not allow her to die.

Che Gulai was one of the investors in this sanatorium. The nurse, a veteran employee, was seeing Che Gulai admit someone to a psychiatric hospital for the first time.

For the first few days, Che Gulai didn’t inquire about her, as if she had simply discarded an object here. The nurse assumed the patient was unimportant to her.

But when the nurse told Che Gulai about Shen Sijin’s attempts to commit suicide, she expected Che Gulai to remain indifferent, given her cold attitude lately.

Instead, Che Gulai told her that Shen Sijin absolutely could not be allowed to die.

Her tone was heavy. Even over the phone, the nurse could imagine her cold, serious expression.

Frankly, the nurse couldn’t discern Che Gulai’s attitude toward this mentally ill patient.

“Heartless” wasn’t quite accurate, and “caring” didn’t fit either.

This fragile patient was very important to Che Gulai, yet also seemed unimportant.

The nurse did not understand.

The nurse tidied the room and left, leaving only the two of them.

Che Gulai looked down at Shen Sijin.

In half a month, she had become frighteningly thin, almost a bag of bones.

Her neck was wrapped in thick gauze, as were her wrists and forehead, demonstrating her extreme mental deterioration during this time.

Is living truly that painful?

Shen Sijin.

Che Gulai watched her for a while, her eyes dark, holding the depth of a bottomless lake.

Just as she turned to leave, Shen Sijin suddenly called out, “Che Gulai.”

Che Gulai turned around, her eyes slightly moving, surprised by her lucidity.

“It’s you, isn’t it?” Shen Sijin’s voice was hoarse, soft, and weak.

“You’re not having an episode?” Che Gulai said calmly.

Shen Sijin seemed to give a faint, dry laugh. “Do you want me to have an episode for you?”

Che Gulai was direct. “No.”

Shen Sijin pushed herself up on the bed, her movements very, very slow. The simple action exhausted her. She leaned against the bed, slowly gasping for breath.

“Why did you come to see me?” Shen Sijin asked with drooping eyes, her voice weak and hoarse.

Che Gulai was cold-hearted and ruthless. Her words were extremely callous. “To check if you were dead.”

As she spoke this sentence, a dull tightness spread in Che Gulai’s heart.

Shen Sijin’s face was utterly fatigued. A tiny curve appeared at the corner of her lips. “I thought you suddenly had a change of heart and wanted to take it all back.”

Che Gulai sneered. “Take what back?”

“Who knows?” Shen Sijin’s hair had grown very long, falling over her chest, making her face look even smaller. Her face couldn’t conceal the pervasive pallor of death, and she spoke slowly.

“Maybe you’d regret what you did to me.”

Che Gulai leaned against the table, crossing her arms, as if she had heard a joke. Her heartbeat strangely quickened. Her tone was more coldly detached than usual.

“Stop fantasizing. I will never regret it.”

Shen Sijin didn’t expect her to say anything kind. Che Gulai was now just a strange novel character in her eyes. She felt very, very distant from Che Gulai, as if they were separated by several dimensions.

“Che Gulai, have you always hated me?”

“Mhm.”

“Because of what I did to you before.”

“Yes.”

“Ah, I see.” Shen Sijin rotated her neck, accidentally pulling her neck wound. She covered her neck, not looking at Che Gulai, only keeping her eyes lowered.

“Che Gulai, you shouldn’t hate me.”

Che Gulai scoffed, thinking she was talking nonsense. “Shouldn’t I hate you? What’s your reason?”

Shen Sijin didn’t want to argue with her. She was just feeling resentment.

Resentment that she had to bear this fate. She didn’t expect Che Gulai to understand, speaking as if to herself. “Because I am not that Shen Sijin.”

Che Gulai heard this. She couldn’t understand why Shen Sijin kept emphasizing that she wasn’t Shen Sijin. If she wasn’t Shen Sijin, then who was she?

What was she talking about?

Shen Sijin looked up at Che Gulai. “Che Gulai, do you know what my biggest regret is?”

Che Gulai narrowed her eyes at her.

Shen Sijin smiled but didn’t answer.

Her biggest regret was naturally transmigrating into this world.

“There are some small items you gave me in my room,” Shen Sijin suddenly said. “Maybe you didn’t want them and just tossed them to me. It doesn’t matter. I can’t leave here. Go to my house and destroy those things.”

Before leaving this world, she wanted to erase all her connections with Che Gulai.

Che Gulai’s face darkened. Perhaps this request displeased her. “You despise my things that much?”

“Yes.” Shen Sijin confirmed her words. She clutched her aching wrist. “Also, don’t tell Mingyu I’m in the hospital. She’ll worry. Mingyu has been very kind to me. I’m the one who always ignored her. I let her down. There’s a gift box in my room closet. That’s the birthday present I prepared for her. Could you please give it to her for me?”

She hadn’t spoken this much in a long time. She would speak half a sentence, rest for a bit, and then continue. She babbled a lot, but it was all for someone else.

Che Gulai’s dark eyes grew colder and colder. She curled her lips into a cold smile. “She won’t believe me, you know. She might find her way here one day.”

Shen Sijin shook her head. “I believe you can keep it from her.”

“Don’t let her see me like this.”

“Are you giving me your last will and testament?” Che Gulai was somehow annoyed that half of Shen Sijin’s sentences were about someone else. She couldn’t help but say something sarcastic to provoke her.

Shen Sijin slowly blinked. A very subtle smile touched her lips where Che Gulai couldn’t see it, as if she had gained some relief.

“Che Gulai, please help me. For the sake of our past fake relationship, please help me.”

Che Gulai intensely disliked Shen Sijin’s way of speaking now. Hardly anything she said was what Che Gulai wanted to hear. Shen Sijin barely looked at her. A nameless anger circulated through her body.

She didn’t want to see Shen Sijin again. The current Shen Sijin was lifeless, abnormal, rigid, and hysterical. Che Gulai intensely disliked it.

She even found it irritating.

Almost every time she saw Shen Sijin, her mood would sour. Che Gulai grabbed her bag and slammed the door as she left.

Shen Sijin didn’t react to the sound of the door slamming.

The reason she hadn’t looked at Che Gulai was that she couldn’t see Che Gulai’s face.

More accurately, she couldn’t clearly see what Che Gulai looked like. Her face had become like the faces of the others—blurred and grotesque, filling her with fear.

This psychiatric hospital was a suffocating cage. Shen Sijin wanted to escape every single second.

Everyone here had a grotesque face. They all wanted her dead. Shen Sijin couldn’t take it anymore.

She truly couldn’t hold on.

She wanted to end everything, including herself.

There was nothing in this world for her to cherish. Perhaps only Bai Mingyu. She hadn’t even had the chance to do anything for her. She didn’t deserve to be Mingyu’s friend.

She deserved to die.

She had taken over the original owner’s body and had done everything she could. She just wanted to sleep peacefully.

Shen Sijin lay on the bed, curled up in a ball. Her wound seemed to have split open, but she couldn’t feel much pain.

She was curled up into a small ball, like an injured child, seeking comfort only from herself in solitude.